OWEN SOUND, ON – Local activist Noah Baker spoke out, showing his progressive attitudes towards women’s reproductive rights, saying he supports his girlfriend Sarah Chen’s right to choose, …
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Condo dwelling Australian Shepherd waiting for day he can finally herd some fucking sheep
TORONTO – After searching every inch of his brand new Liberty Village condominium, Chance the Australian Shepherd, is still waiting for the day when he can finally herd some goddamn sheep. …
Idiot loser arrives at event on time
MONTRÉAL – Wishing to attend a concert at local music venue Le Mixtape, systems analyst Brent O’Connell recently arrived at the advertised start time of 8:00 pm like the complete moron that he is…
New employee has audacity to begin email with “hey man”
VULCAN, AB – Opening his work email in the morning, Henry Abraham, CEO of HAB Insurance, a local brokerage firm, was disturbed to read the words “hey man” Thursday in the opening line sent …
Ice storm saves conversation with local dad
TORONTO – A brutal late-season ice storm swept through Ontario this weekend, just in time to improve local son James Cougan’s phone conversation with his father. “The storm was pretty nasty, but …
Man who wasn’t going to leave the house anyway complains about weather
NEWMARKET – Local resident Ed Sanford has apparently seen fit to complain loudly to anyone who will listen about the foul weather outside, despite never having had any pretensions of going out an…
Local woman flattered coworker chose her office to cry in
VANCOUVER—Local claims adjuster Laura Filberg is reportedly feeling a mix of gratitude and pride after, following what appeared to be a brief moment of deliberation, her colleague selected her of…
Sweater weather update: east coast ravaged by huge cardigan cell
HALIFAX – Reports are coming in that Nova Scotia is being hit with terrible sweater weather, with prevalent high-speed cardigans and up to 80mm of tastefully embroidered guernseys in some a…
Thirty-year-old man horny for twenty-year-old’s old soul
MONTREAL – Describing the twenty minutes he spent leering at her across Grumpy’s Bar as an overwhelming intellectual connection, Philip Marshall, 30, announced Friday that he was extremely …
Woman assembles crack team of six to determine if ex-boyfriend seeing someone new
STEINBACH, MB – 26-year-old Jacqueline Westan spent the majority of this past weekend alongside a specialized, crack team of six of her best friends in an attempt to identify whether or not…
