NEWMARKET – Local resident Ed Sanford has apparently seen fit to complain loudly to anyone who will listen about the foul weather outside, despite never having had any pretensions of going out anyways.
Sources confirm that Sanford typically spends most of his time on his couch watching Youtube videos and that outings during daylight hours are also rare. Yet, while Sanford never professed any interest in outdoor activities, sunlight, fresh air, or anything not involving staying inside a climate-controlled apartment, he remained outraged at the state of the weather.
“That feeling when you realize winter has a sequel”, Sanford posted on Facebook alongside a meme of a dog looking sad while he simultaneously warmed up leftover Chinese delivery from the night before. He later raised the thermostat to 34 degrees while also tweeting: “It’s soooooo gross outside.”
And despite being unemployed and childless and therefore having no reason to leave his house on even the best of days, Sanford expressed a pointed desire to let others know that the weather was bringing him down. He reportedly sent sad face thundercloud emojis to all 17 people on his phone’s contact list from the comfort of his recliner he spends all his time on.
“Uuuuuuuuuuuugh,” Sanford exclaimed to no one in particular while stealing a glance out the window as Netflix auto-played the next episode of Jessica Jones.
When asked for comment, Sanford’s roommate said that he was looking forward to the summer when Sanford will complain that the overbearing heat is preventing him from attending social events he wasn’t invited to.