STEINBACH, MB – 26-year-old Jacqueline Westan spent the majority of this past weekend alongside a specialized, crack team of six of her best friends in an attempt to identify whether or not her ex-boyfriend is already seeing someone new.
The investigation was sparked suddenly after noticing the same girl being featured in his Instagram photos twice over the past six weeks. A feat that she herself never accomplished while dating 29-year-old Bryan Pillan.
“We don’t have enough information to draw a conclusion right now, but as it stands things aren’t looking good,” stated intel operatives specialist and longtime best friend Michelle Kay. “What we can tell you is he doesn’t have his relationship status listed on Facebook which makes our job harder. However, it seems this same girl is liking upwards of 80-90% of all his social media posts. If they aren’t dating yet, they’re goddamn close.”
The ongoing investigation has entered its third day and is currently led by location scout Dana Treborn who insists she recently saw Bryan at a coffee shop with an unidentified woman, though no conclusion has been reached on the status of their relationship.
“We thought we had it figured out when we saw a tweet of his about a Sunday morning brunch pop up,” claims covert analyst and sister Maggie Westan. “We figured that surely must be the result of a new couples brunch date and thought that was it until we saw his roommate also tweet about getting drunk on Mimosa’s that same day so we had to re-open the entire file.”
According to Ms. Westan there had originally been a 7th member of this crew who was promptly removed after suggesting they, “just ask him.” A suggestion which was met with such ridicule and disgust that anyone could even propose an idea so ludicrous. The remaining crew members then spent the next 7 hours posting videos on Instagram stories in an effort to find out how long until Bryan watched them.
While no hard evidence has surfaced yet, Jacqueline has remained adamant that her assembled team can and will find results. Should all else fail, their last resort nuclear option is the tried and tested, drunken “u up?” text at 3am.