VANCOUVER – Thirty-one year old lottery winner Michael R. Fernandez announced today that his recent winnings will allow him to finally hand-in his notice of resignation at one of the five j…
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Caledon teen debates pawning grandparent’s Royal Canadian Mint collection to pay for coke
CALEDON, ON – Last Friday, Davin Charles, 17, was gifted a collection of Royal Canadian Mint, forcing Charles into a difficult predicament when he realized it’s resale value was the equivalent of…
Make-Out Point officially renamed “Butt-Stuff Hill”
GRADSVILLE, AB – “Make-Out Point,” the spot which overlooks the city and has served as a romantic getaway for young couples to drive to since the 1950s, was officially been renamed “Butt-S…
Houseplant wishes you’d let it die already
TORONTO – After six long months of suffering in an unforgiving climate with insufficient sunlight and warmth, Fernice the fern desperately wishes you could understand just how much it yearn…
Parents finally buy 30-year-old woman Motorola Razr
TORONTO – After nearly two decades, a family feud was finally put to rest during a celebratory dinner after 30-year-old Karleigh Byrne was gifted a Motorola Razr V3 by her parents for her recent …
Distraught 20-something holds up LCBO until cashier asks to see their ID
HAMILTON – Patrons and employees of a Hamilton LCBO underwent a harrowing ordeal last night after a 20-something adult held up the cashier at knifepoint. According to eyewitnesses, the altercatio…
“I couldn’t imagine life without my kids,” says man who looks like complete shit
REGINA – Local man Edward Thompson has told friends, family and several strangers at a Starbucks that life is meaningless without kids, all while looking like an exhausted drug addict who i…
Smiths Falls resident chasing big city dreams in Brockville
BROCKVILLE, ON – A bright-eyed 22-year-old has left his hometown of Smiths Falls to pursue his passions in the mega city of Brockville. Daryll Faber, an aspiring industry labourer has set h…
Breaking: Tall woman recognized for something other than being tall
CALGARY — In a historic moment for tall women everywhere, Susan Kettleman was recognized for something outside of her height earlier today. “I assumed I was being asked into my boss’s…
Man carefully proofreads dick pic before sending
VANCOUVER – Sources outside the Roxy nightclub report that 22-year old Cody Parsons has finally sent a carefully composed and meticulously curated image of his semi-erect penis to a woman h…
