KAMLOOPS, BC – As the beginning of autumn arrives, small towns are warning that September marks the beginning of sewer clown season and citizens should be on alert to avoid encountering the…
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Superhero’s girlfriend preemptively saves everyone the trouble and kidnaps herself
NEW YORK – After spending the majority of her adult life as the victim of ludicrously complicated villainous heists, Christa MacDonald, grad student and longtime girlfriend of NYC’s second most f…
Party guest has less fun board game for everyone to play next
CALEDON, ON – A sense of dread filled the air midway through Kayla Dissellia’s party as one attendee claimed they have a great game for everyone to play next. Up until that point, the casua…
Study: More people prefer to jump out 11th storey window instead of sharing elevator
WINDSOR – Research conducted at the University of Windsor has revealed that 73% of people living in apartment buildings would plummet from an 11th storey window instead of sharing an elevat…
Bus seat disturbingly warm
BURNABY, BC – An unsettling series of reports have left BC TransLink patrons concerned for their well being as bus seat warmth has been measured at record high lukewarm levels. “We are work…
Improved mall map tells visitors how to just get to the goddamned Cinnabon
BURLINGTON – Visitors to an Ontario mall are raving about the newly implemented map system which clearly and concisely communicates to visitors how to just get to the freakin’ Cinnabon already. “…
Cute dog on street delays mental breakdown by 50 minutes
KAMLOOPS, BC – A man’s mental breakdown was put on hold for nearly an hour today, after coming into contact with Wellesley, a Pembroke Welsh corgi, while waiting for the bus. “Awwwww!” excl…
Everyone at nude beach hideous
HANLAN’S POINT, ON – Exposing as much skin as humanly possible to the wrinkling effects of the sun’s ultraviolet rays, sources close to the situation at the clothing optional beach at Hanla…
Woman devastated to be excluded from activity she hates
CALGARY — In an unprecedented level of betrayal, Simone Walkins was excluded by several women, whom she thought to be her closest friends, from a Mud Run – an activity they know she d…
“I agree with Andrew Scheer” says woman who just used a shockingly out of date racial slur
MADAWASKA COUNTY, NB — As a “Community Residents of Orchard Road’s Association” meeting came to a close, Donna Trapmen finished off her final conversation of the evening by admi…
