Belleville, Ontario – Sources report that local couple Christine Peters and Joshua Cartwright have been scrolling through Netflix, trying to settle on a movie to watch since Friday night. &…
Culture
Clint Eastwood’s latest film just 2 hours of an American flag blowing in the wind
LOS ANGELES – Critics are raving after an early screening of Clint Eastwood’s latest film “Flag”, 120 minutes of the stars and stripes bravely and proudly blowing in the wind. “It was a mas…
White friend slightly too excited about Black Panther
TORONTO – Local white friend Connor Allen is reportedly just a little too hyped for Marvel’s latest blockbuster, the studio’s first to feature a person of colour in the starring role. “I haven’t …
Update: Friend with obscure, indie Spotify playlist secretly leading double life as Aqua groupie
HAMILTON, ON – New evidence has uncovered that your friend whose public Spotify account shows her listening to musical acts like Neutral Milk Hotel and Charles Bradley is in fact secretly …
Study finds Boomers’ sex lives still haven’t recovered from Mansbridge leaving the National
TORONTO – A new study from a media research group has revealed that Peter Mansbridge’s retirement last year has caused a steep and, to date, permanent drop in the amount of sex being …
Doritos introduces the Ladychip, a crunchless pink tube inserted into the vagina for demure female snackers
PLANO, TX – Doritos, the zesty tortilla chip brand, has announced the launch of a new line of chips aimed at female consumers, a vaginally-inserted crunchless pink tube called the Ladychip.…
Gay friend can’t even look at you until you’re caught up on Drag Race
MONTREAL – According to numerous reports, your closest gay friend, Erik Mitchell, is refusing to engage with you in any way until you have watched the latest episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race. …
Facebook’s ‘On This Day’ painful reminder that you used the word “wangster” in undergrad
LONDON, ON – Sources report that your Facebook “memories” have revealed that you used the word “wangster” in undergrad while commenting on a picture of your friend Todd who was holding a jo…
I gave up dating human men for exclusive relationship with audiobook of ‘Call Me By Your Name’
By: Nancy Webb If you told me a year ago that I would be in a committed relationship with the audiobook of André Acimon’s sensual novel turned critically-acclaimed film Call Me By Your Name, I wo…
Sad man with no ideas sits in café
VICTORIA — Following three hours of browsing the internet at Second Cup, aspiring writer Jeffrey Burgess sadly continues to have no ideas. “Getting out of the house helps open up my mind”, said B…
