BURBANK, CA – After a period of protest Disney is moving to consolidate its ownership of Star Wars from a group of aggrieved not-actually-shareholders. “When we purchased Star Wars fr…
Culture
Love hack! Pete Davidson got a tattoo of everyone he met until someone agreed to marry him
After a whirlwind three week romance, comedian Pete Davidson and pop messiah Ariana Grande are engaged! But how did their relationship escalate from DMs to ‘I do’s’? Davidson lets us in on his li…
Rich dad greenlights new independent film
VANCOUVER, BC – The Canadian indie film world is abuzz today, following the announcement that local filmmaker Michael Fischer’s rich dad has greenlit production on indie dramedy, “Adulting,…
Disneyland creates immersive fairytale experience by turning workers into feudal serfs
Anaheim, CA – Taking the lead in the new immersive entertainment trend, Disneyland has begun treating their workers like peasants to provide park goers with an authentic feudal experience t…
Drake: “I only love my bed and my mom and abortions”
TORONTO — After a scathing diss track by rapper Pusha T unearthed texts from Drake to a secret lover telling her to abort their child, Drake has amended a popular lyric from his hit song “G…
Samantha Bee apologizes for calling shitbag a cunt
NEW YORK CITY – Comedian Samantha Bee and TBS have issued an apology for calling noted shitbag Ivanka Trump a “feckless cunt” during a segment of “Full Frontal with Samantha Bee” about the …
Haunted Crater music festival announces 2018 lineup and investigation into fate of 2017 lineup
Peterborough, ON — Organizers for the Haunted Crater music festival have announced their headline acts for 2018, and a crack team of paranormal investigators to uncover what happened to last year…
BREAKING: Roseanne hired as White House press secretary
WASHINGTON D.C. — After her rebooted sitcom was cancelled by ABC following the star’s racist tweets, actress Roseanne Barr has been hired as press secretary for the Trump White House. The t…
World War II ruined! Battlefield V poster features woman soldier
LOS ANGELES – In a shockingly disrespectful display of tone-deaf pandering, video game studio DICE ruined World War II yesterday by placing a woman on the poster of the latest Battlefield v…
New Drake album mostly just songs about how he’s never won anything in Roll Up The Rim
TORONTO, ON – While details of rapper Drake’s new album “Scorpion” have been kept secretive to fans and media alike, some news about the album expected to be released in June 2018 surfaced …
