EDMONTON – Eight-year-old Mason Wright and seven-year-old Olivia Glass have been busy playing house all afternoon by pretending to have their hearts set on a property, only for Mason’s imaginary …
Work from home commute delayed by three dog pileup
CALGARY – Traffic reports from the Morley household indicate that a massive three dog pileup is delaying multiple household commutes. “There’s fur everywhere, and you can still hear barking,” one…
Sperm banks unfreeze man’s assets
OTTAWA – In response to an ongoing criminal case, Canadian sperm banks have unfrozen accused criminal Charles Grieg’s significant portfolio of assets. Grieg, 47, is facing numerous fraud charges…
Cancel culture run rampant: Louis C.K. forced to win a mere Grammy
LAS VEGAS – Louis C.K. has won the Grammy Award for Best Comedy Album, proving once again that cancel culture is out of control in the western world. “If we, as a society, were serious about reh…
Plastic bag added to bag of plastic bags destined to one day be added to larger bag of plastic bags
CALGARY – According to sources in the Ross household, a plastic bag from this morning’s outing to the grocery store has been stuffed into a larger plastic bag full of plastic bags. “I should real…
Modern-day Caligula brings two bags of chips to bed with him
CALGARY – Sources report that 27-year-old Elliot Greenwood has amazed and disturbed onlookers by bringing two bags of chips into bed with him. “I really like sour cream and onion, but I also real…
“Whoa, it’s the best of times?” says dude about to have his shit rocked by Charles Dickens
CALGARY – Sources at the Central Library have reported that Bryce Spooner, who said “Hell yeah, let the good times roll, baby!” when he began A Tale of Two Cities, is about to get his fucking tee…
Man clearly wants you to ask about his cape
WINNIPEG – According to friends and family, Winnipeg resident David Leiter has begun wearing a cape and is obviously hoping that people will ask him why. “I think Dave might’ve lost his job or h…
“Now let’s do a silly one,” says man dictating his will
REGINA – After dictating his will to his lawyer, sources report that Edward Irwin asked if they could also do a “fun one.” “For this one, let’s start by leaving half my money to my cat, Jean Catt…
