OTTAWA – One of the judges who presided over the court hearings of the Freedom Convoy organisers is facing threats from the Convoy’s supporters, who insist that they just want to exercise their G…
Bringing back a classic: this year’s summer bop is Handel’s Messiah
TORONTO – As millions of Canadians go about their summer, the strains of George Frideric Handel’s Messiah are providing a backdrop to countless barbeques, pool parties, and weekends at the cabin.…
Pervert time traveller reports that your grandpa was hung
OTTAWA – A time traveller from the 25th century has reported that your grandfather packed some serious equipment and knew just how to use it. “I’m sure you only thought of your grandpa as a dodde…
Every garage sale in neighbourhood full of lightly used podcasting equipment
EDMONTON – According to local sources in an Edmonton suburb, every garage sale being held this year has contained piles of near mint condition podcasting equipment. “I’ve been hoping to score som…
Coffee shop employee ominously begins setting up microphone
LETHBRIDGE – According to sources embedded in The Bean Machine, all of the coffee shop’s patrons groaned when they saw an employee open a cupboard and remove a microphone stand. “I figured she wa…
Teacher either using Socratic method or just winging it
EDMONTON – According to sources in Mr. Lawrence’s Grade 11 English class, no one is sure if their teacher is leading them through an ingenious Socratic dialogue or just talking out of his ass. “…
What are the odds? Marmaduke and Garfield both up to some real bullshit today
LETHBRIDGE – According to local sources, the shenanigans occurring on the comics page of the morning newspaper are completely out of control. “I sat down to have my coffee and the very first thin…
Jason Kenney finally delivers best summer ever
EDMONTON – After promising Albertans the “best summer ever” in 2021, Premier Jason Kenney has finally delivered on his word by resigning. Kenney received 51.4% of the vote in a leadership review …
47,000 Bryces graduate from business school
CALGARY – As universities around Canada conclude their academic year, thousands upon thousands of young men named Bryce are graduating from their respective business schools. “I can’t wait to beg…
