LETHBRIDGE – According to local sources, the shenanigans occurring on the comics page of the morning newspaper are completely out of control.
“I sat down to have my coffee and the very first thing I saw was that lazy-ass Garfield stealing Odie’s dinner and insulting Jon’s new haircut,” said regular comics reader Cecilia Warren. “I know he can be a bit of a punk sometimes, but I was hoping for a strip where he cuddled his teddy bear or had a nice nap in front of the TV.”
Warren, already shaken by the chaos she’d witnessed, turned to the daily Marmaduke strip to calm her down. “I love that big, dumb dog,” Warren said. “He’s always up to some whimsical capers.”
But Warren’s day was further soured when she saw the famous Great Dane digging up a flowerbed, sending the neighbourhood into veritable anarchy.
“It’s one thing to jump on the bed or drool on the vet, but this is just meanspirited,” Warren said. “What’s he going to do next, bite someone? This isn’t the Marmaduke I know.”
While Warren acknowledges that Garfield and Marmaduke are both spirited scamps who get up to their fair share of waggishness, seeing both of them go rogue at once is beyond the pale.
“People don’t don’t read comics to see disorder and lawlessness. I always skip Doonesbury because it’s too wordy, and I can’t stand those fucked up Get Fuzzy freaks, so that doesn’t leave me with much to get my day going,” Warren said. “If Family Circus doesn’t restore a sense of decorum then I might as well go back to bed.”
At press time, Warren could be heard muttering “Great, the sudoku’s a real piece of shit today too.”
