EDMONTON – According to sources in Mr. Lawrence’s Grade 11 English class, no one is sure if their teacher is leading them through an ingenious Socratic dialogue or just talking out of his ass. “…
What are the odds? Marmaduke and Garfield both up to some real bullshit today
LETHBRIDGE – According to local sources, the shenanigans occurring on the comics page of the morning newspaper are completely out of control. “I sat down to have my coffee and the very first thin…
Jason Kenney finally delivers best summer ever
EDMONTON – After promising Albertans the “best summer ever” in 2021, Premier Jason Kenney has finally delivered on his word by resigning. Kenney received 51.4% of the vote in a leadership review …
47,000 Bryces graduate from business school
CALGARY – As universities around Canada conclude their academic year, thousands upon thousands of young men named Bryce are graduating from their respective business schools. “I can’t wait to beg…
Pervert astronomers posting hole
WASHINGTON, DC – An international conglomerate of horndog scientists have made the news by posting hole on main. “The hole we’ve discovered is dense and tight,” said Event Horizon Telescope spoke…
Sportsnet apologises for interrupting gambling commercial with hockey
TORONTO – Sportsnet has issued an apology to its viewers after several minutes of a hockey game were broadcast without a single reference to gambling. “At Sportsnet, the last thing we want to do…
Modern Baryshnikov artfully dodges the steam unleashed by microwave dinner
HALIFAX – Sources report that Daniel Strickland has amazed onlookers by easily avoiding the steam that poured out of his microwave dinner as he peeled back its plastic seal. “I thought he was g…
Little free library just dumping ground for self-help books that failed to save marriages
CALGARY – A local woman perusing her community’s little free library is disappointed that she can only find weathered self-help books that couldn’t get the job done. “I was hoping to discover a c…
Efficient new edition of TurboTax just asks how much fraud you’re comfortable with
OTTAWA – Sources have learned that this year’s standard edition of TurboTax skips right to the point by asking “So, how much you wanna try pulling over on the feds?” when the program is launched.…
