TORONTO – Local bachelor Robbie Labeouf announced earlier this week his intention to probably purchase curtains, eventually, for his apartment of three years. “It just seems like a thing I …
Breaking: City of Detroit wasn’t already bankrupt
DETROIT – Detroit, capital of the automotive industry, became the largest city in the history of the United States to declare bankruptcy on Thursday, shocking those who assumed the city had…
Elevator mechanics strike causes city wide outbreak of sitcom premise
VANCOUVER – The recently resolved strike of all elevator mechanics and repairmen caused a rash of tired sitcom tropes and recycled plot lines to break out across the city. “I was stuck in a…
Harper hopes shuffle will improve cabinet sex life
OTTAWA – Attempting to spice things up in Ottawa, Prime Minister Stephen Harper unveiled a wide-ranging overhaul of his executive government on Monday, a move the P.M. is quite hopeful will…
Jason Kenney just wants to find love, expel all refugees
According to sources on Parliament Hill, MP and Minister for Citizenship, Immigration and Multiculturalism Jason Kenney has recently been speaking more and more about his two major life goals: to…
Chicago Blackhawks dedicate Stanley Cup win to the spirits of their Native American ancestors
CHICAGO – Returning home for a Stanley Cup parade after a shocking Game 6 victory over the Boston Bruins, Chicago Blackhawks players were quick to credit the warrior spirit and enduring tra…
Red and black ants engaged in racial war
Wascana Park, Regina – What started out as a dispute over a fallen popsicle, has now turned into a full fledged race war between the red ants of the community garden and the black ants of t…
Study: Every child who cheated at NHL 94 now a hardened criminal
BURNABY, BC – A new study by Simon Fraser university has revealed that all children who constantly relied on well known but impossible to stop cheats to win at NHL 94 have turned into dange…
Harper denies knowing Duffy, Conservative caucus, his children
OTTAWA – After a series of embarrassing mishaps and scandals Prime Minister Stephen Harper is denying any role in knowing Senator Mike Duffy, most of the conservative caucus and members of his im…
