OTTAWA – A new federal mental health initiative has seen the opening of a 24/7 distress hotline that will provide emergency support for Canadians who have been forced to cheer for the Oiler…
Nova Scotia Power encourages customers to leak own personal information during service outages
HALIFAX – After the private information of more than 280,000 Nova Scotia Power customers was stolen and published online, Nova Scotia Power and parent company Emera are reminding customers …
Alberta shocks nation with same election results they’ve turned out since 1958
CALGARY – In a truly unexpected turn of events, Alberta has stunned voters across Canada by voting exactly the same way they have voted in every federal election for seven consecutive decad…
Cape Breton to create new, more annoying time zone between Atlantic and Newfoundland time
CAPE BRETON REGIONAL MUNICIPALITY – In a surprise move, the residents of Cape Breton island in Nova Scotia have announced that as early as next year, Cape Breton will have its own small and…
Federal government announces O Canada will now begin with 15 seconds of unskippable ads
OTTAWA – The federal government has announced that, beginning on January 1, 2025, all renditions of O Canada played anywhere in the country will be required to start with 15 seconds of unsk…
Oilers plan to damage Florida Panthers’ morale by forcing them to visit Edmonton
EDMONTON – With the 2024 Stanley Cup Finals fast approaching, sources close to the Edmonton Oilers have confirmed that the team has a new strategy for victory – namely, hoping the Flo…
Millennials could save money just by making coffee at a Starbucks franchise they personally own
OTTAWA – A new report has discovered that Canadian Millennials can save an average of $1800 per year and dramatically improve their chances of home ownership simply by switching to making t…
Maritime Weather Service updates hurricane season forecast from “gosh golly” to “holy cannoli”
HALIFAX – Following a stretch of above-average ocean temperatures and earlier-than-usual storm formation, meteorologists at Canada’s national weather service have officially updated the hur…
Incoming first year students excited to pretend Carleton University was their first choice
OTTAWA – As graduating high school seniors across the country look forward to starting post-secondary education, students from the Carleton University class of 2027 are excited to begin the…
Where is he now? Jean Chretien has escaped, Canadians advised to shelter in place
MONTREAL – The RCMP and Canadian Wildlife Service issued a joint statement late Thursday afternoon advising Canadians across the country to shelter in place after it was discovered that for…
