HOLLYWOOD – Following revelations that Fox attempted to pay X-Files star Gillian Anderson half the salary of her male co-star, what many had assumed to be a shadowy conspiracy stretching to…
Uber passengers impressed with speed, efficiency of uninsured collisions
TORONTO – With the Uber ridesharing service now transporting thousands of riders in Toronto daily, many customers are reporting being impressed by Uber’s approach to collision insurance, na…
Richard Dawkins insists his empty birthday party just proof God does not exist
LONDON – Seated alone in a TGI Fridays Bar and Grill, at an extra-large table which he himself reserved, Richard Dawkins smugly asserted that this sad tableau never would have been allowed …
NRA demands tougher regulations on presidential tears
WASHINGTON DC – Following a press conference where President Obama was moved to tears while discussing recent horrific mass shootings, the National Rifle Association has demanded that Congr…
Local man builds actual adult life out of LEGO
KAMLOOPS – Local “LEGO Enthusiast” Mike Dobson has assembled a detailed representation of a functional adult life using the famous interlocking brick toys, which in no way resembles his act…
50% female cabinet appointments lead to 5000% increase in guys who suddenly care about merit in cabinet
OTTAWA – With Prime Minister designate Justin Trudeau preparing to announce a cabinet that is 50% women, researchers have discovered a sharp 5000% increase in the number of men who suddenly…
Toronto Blue Jays fans eager to end 22-year rioting drought
TORONTO – After a two decade playoff absence fans of the Toronto Blue Jays are hopeful this will be the year they can finally destroy their city in a drunken World Series celebration. “I wa…
Carly Fiorina vows to end funding for Planned Parenthood baby BBQs
WASHINGTON – Currently polling at 2nd place in the Republican Primary race, Carly Fiorina vowed that if elected, she would personally end funding for Planned Parenthood’s “widely-known prac…
Nestlé purchases full ownership rights to Mars water
WASHINGTON, DC – The Nestlé corporation announced today that it had already purchased full ownership rights to the water flowing underneath the surface of Mars, prior to NASA’s announcement…
Game maker Konami avoids bankruptcy after entering ↑↑↓↓←→←→BA
TOKYO, JAPAN – Following reports that the prominent video game publisher would cease all development on console games, the Konami game company reportedly extended their financial life by en…
