At 9:45pm Sunday evening the president announced that he was firing acting Federal Emergency Management Agency director Brock Long after only 2 months on the job, and handing the role over to an active hurricane.
“I was watching the fake news CNN — which I never watch,” said Trump. “And they kept talking about how Hurricane Harvey is dropping historic rainfall, with unprecedented floods. I thought to myself ‘historic’, just like my electoral college victory.”
“Harvey is loud, making a big splash, and doesn’t care who gets crushed along the way. Reminds me of myself. I had to hire him.”
Trump’s appointment of a natural disaster to run an agency devoted to disaster relief was considered a natural choice by political experts, given his history of selecting a climate change denialist to head the Environmental Protection Agency, and a lifelong opponent of public schools as the Secretary of Education.
Trump later tweeted about the appointment of Hurricane Harvey, after numerous previous tweets railing against CNN, Mitch McConnell, Latinos, Robert Mueller, and the Celebrity Apprentice:
Reached for comment, Congressional Leader Paul Ryan reacted to the president’s appointment. “While I have several concerns about the hiring of a deadly tropical cyclone, I also hope Harvey will help us with tax reform!”
At press time, unnamed White House sources have revealed President Trump is considering firing Harvey after becoming jealous of the media’s coverage of the hurricane instead of himself.