GENEVA, SWITZERLAND – The World Health Organization has announced a last minute doorcrasher deal on the latest COVID variant, omicron, just in time for Black Friday shopping. “With the Chri…
Toronto in chaos as combination Condo/A&W/Weed Stores gain sentience, overrun city
TORONTO – The downtown area is in complete chaos as Torontonians flee for their lives after the city’s omnipresent condos, A&W franchises, and marijuana dispensaries somehow coalesced …
PMO casually inquires how many oil tankers could sail through flooded parts of BC
OTTAWA – With large parts of British Columbia still underwater due to climate change-related rainfall, the Prime Minister’s Office has offered condolences and also lowkey asked whether oil …
Dried dishes left as monument to time someone did the dishes
VICTORIA, BC – In an effort to inspire future generations, local roommates Cam Newton (25) and Rusa Ayad (26) have tacitly decided to leave a drying rack of dishes on the counter for an ind…
Doug Ford announces new highway that will exclusively deliver money to property development donors
BRADFORD, ON — Today Premier Doug Ford announced a new highway project which will exclusively allow passage for armoured cars delivering large piles of cash to the wealthy real estate magna…
Local man suffers stress-induced heart attack while observing NaNoNutWriMovember
HALIFAX, NS – Local man Greg Sanders, 29, was admitted to hospital following an acute stress-induced cardiac episode, a result of his decision to spend all of November growing a moustache, …
Jason Kenney assures Albertans he still having “Best Fall Ever”
EDMONTON – As Alberta reels from a 4th of COVID wave brought on by relaxed restrictions during the province’s promised “Best Summer Ever”, premier Jason Kenney assured frightened citizens t…
Breaking: Cat apparently eats flowers now
REGINA, SK – Household sources are reporting that, as of 8pm last evening, the cat apparently likes to eat decorative flowers now. This stunning feline development was first witnessed by ca…
China releases two Michaels, offers Canada loyalty card good for deals on future hostages
BEIJING – Following a deal that resolved charges against Huawei executive Meng Wanzhou, China has released detained Canadians Michael Kovrig and Michael Spavor, and included a complimentary…
Final polls show 0% of Canadians sure why we needed an election
OTTAWA – As the Liberal and Conservative parties poll in a dead heat to form Canada’s next government, an aggregate of polls show that absolutely not one single voter can explain why this e…
