OTTAWA – Following the surprise public announcement that he and wife Sophie Gregoire Trudeau will be separating, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has requested the media refrain from asking any questions about the split, as well as questions regarding runaway inflation and housing unaffordability.
“At this time, Sophie and I have made the decision to separate,” reads the public statement released today. “We ask that you respect our privacy in these matters, as well as any other policy matters that I am absolutely getting hammered over in the polls. Thank you.”
Speaking later to reporters, Trudeau elaborated. “As you can understand, this is a deeply personal family matter. Just like me claiming to reporters the other day that somehow ‘housing is not a federal responsibility’ is also a deeply personal family matter, so same rules apply. Thank you.”
Following up, Trudeau emphasized that his expansive request for privacy was not only for his well-being, but that of his children. “Life in the public eye can be especially difficult on kids, which is why our children have specifically requested that nobody ask me questions about Canada’s 2.8% inflation rate, or the Bank of Canada’s recent decision to raise interest rates.”
“Oh, they also said no questions about Chinese election interference. Thanks!” Trudeau added.
With news of the Trudeaus’ separation going out across the nation, the PMO has issued a more comprehensive list of questions that will run afoul of the Prime Minister’s request for privacy, including questions about: the nature of the split, custody arrangements, the PM’s recent cabinet shuffle, the Paul Bernardo prison transfer, Canada’s failure to meet NATO military spending targets, the Carbon Tax, any taxes, the Liberal Party’s lagging polls, and a yet-to-be announced scandal only referred to as “Saskatchewangate”.
In response to the PM’s request for discretion around his separation, Canadian journalists have indicated they will comply.
“I was going to ask Trudeau about refugee targets at a photo op tomorrow,” added Chet Barks of Global News, “But now all I can ask him about is whether he preferred Barbie or Oppenheimer. No wait, those just got added to the list.”
Cynthia Sherman of CBC News remarked, “Wait, now they’re saying we can’t ask him any questions that use the letter ‘E’?”
At press time, British journalists are demanding to know why Canadian journalists aren’t already climbing through the Trudeaus’ garbage and hacking their voicemails.