EDMONTON – The government of Alberta has declared all citizens must now carry a little picture of Premier Danielle Smith in their wallets. Smith made the announcement this week in front of a gian…
Gay friend ready for Halloween
MONTREAL – Your gay friend has officially announced that he is ready to celebrate Halloween, despite the non-civic holiday being 45 days away. Jamie Mathers, 29, made the proclamation on his Inst…
Lesbian who doesn’t like sports may as well just die
TORONTO – A local lesbian who doesn’t care about sports has determined that that is why she cannot find love and therefore she may as well just die. Jesse Cameron, 33, came to the dire conclusion…
End of days? Shoppers pharmacy answers phone
WINNIPEG – A local Shoppers Drug Mart has spurred rumours of the apocalypse after its pharmacy opted to pick up the phone. The Shoppers pharmacy has become so notorious for its lack of communicat…
Sleepiness credit non-transferable between couch and bed
BRANDON, MB — A local woman has discovered that her accrued credit in sleepiness does not transfer from her couch to her bed. Cory Lachlan, 26, made the disturbing discovery when she finally deci…
Guy who can’t find the clitoris really into AI art
VICTORIA, BC – A local man who has never once found a woman’s clitoris has really gotten into AI art. “AI is the best,” claimed Shawn Owens, 29, as he played a video game created by real human be…
Man who wants kids unaware he will be expected to parent them
KITCHENER, ON – Sources report that Brody Richards, 33, desires to bring small humans into the world while apparently unaware that he will also be required to parent them. “Oh yeah, I can’t wait …
Number of coffee table books exceeds number of coffee tables
VICTORIA, BC – A local woman experienced a decorative emergency this week when her collection of coffee table books exceeded her number of coffee tables. Wendy Miller, 39, realized the emergency …
Fiddler can’t afford roof
ST. JOHN’S, NL – The Canadian housing crisis reached new heights this week with a renowned fiddler unable to afford a roof. Viola Green, 35, a prolific fiddle player who has toured with maj…
Op-Ed: The “Wicked” movie shows us what audiences really want — more films about green people
By Cash Ritchie, Senior VP, Finance, at WoodHolly Studios The Wicked movie has already proven a resounding success not only for Universal, but for show business at large. As the industry continue…
