TORONTO – A first year bed bug at Ryerson University has bucked a long-standing trend in its family by being the first to attend university. The parasitic insect came from a long line of bl…
Bachelorette party holds winery hostage for 45 minutes
PICTON, ON – An inebriated stand-off lasted for almost an hour between eight heavily heeled women, and about 20 innocent patrons and staff at Red Sail Winery. “Pass the bubbly, bitches!” ye…
Brian Mulroney stays up all night writing daughter’s victory speech
TORONTO – With the sun rising on the day of the Ontario PC leadership vote, a haggard Brian Mulroney has completed writing his daughter’s victory speech. While the speech had already been w…
Women’s child-bearing hips too wide to fit in voting booth, say men
An excerpt from The Beaverton Presents Glorious and/or Free: The True History of Canada. Available where books are sold. January 31st, 1916 WINNIPEG – Despite desperate pleas regarding hip …
Update: Christine Elliott 7 more PC leadership runs away from winning a free 6 inch sub
TORONTO – With another stamp on her Ontario PC Point Card, Christine Elliott has seven more attempts at trying to win the Ontario Progressive Conservative leadership before she earns hersel…
Liam Neeson to star in film featuring Canadian man taking vengeance on cell phone company
TORONTO – Liam Neeson will star in a Taken-inspired action film centered around a Canadian man who seeks vengeance on his cell phone provider who charged him over $200. After reluctantly ag…
2018 Budget mentioning the word ‘the’ 6,490 times shows Trudeau is pandering hard to the definite article
By Larry Hardy Canadians heard quite a bit from Finance Minister Bill Morneau’s 2018 Budget that had few surprises from a government that panders to specific groups, but none is more telling than…
Indian PM promises to dress up like a Mountie, bring a convicted FLQ terrorist the next time he visits Canada
DELHI – Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi plans on reciprocating Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau’s efforts at embracing culture by dressing up as a Mountie and inviting a con…
Act of Sportsmanship: Canada’s women curlers allow others to beat them so less popular countries could medal
PYEONGCHANG – For the first time in Canadian Olympic history, Canada’s women curlers will not be returning with a medal as the team decided to allow other countries a chance to win an Olymp…
Petition launched to remove controversial statue of Wawa’s Founding Goose
WAWA, ON – The iconic goose that overlooks the Northern Ontario town of Wawa has been a hotbed for controversy after a formal petition was launched to remove the statue which glorifies the …
