TORONTO – Ontario’s Minister of Health Christine Elliott says that she’ll need to see a lot more dead homeless people before she opens three overdose prevention sites in the province. “Scie…
Saudi Arabia sanctions Canada from its lucrative flogging industries
RIYAHD – In yet another blow to Canadian international trade, Saudi Arabia said the Canadian government will no longer be able to access the country’s profitable corporal punishment industr…
The Beaverton to launch Ontario News Net to compete with Ford’s fake news channel
TORONTO – The Beaverton, North America’s Most Trusted Source of News, will be launching its own version of the Ontario PC government’s “Ontario News Now.” Ontario News Net will provide TV-n…
Canada’s arms-for-human rights trade agreement somehow faltering in Saudi Arabia
RIYADH – Canada’s trade strategy of arms-for-human rights hit a snag on Sunday when the Saudi government expelled the Canadian Ambassador and suspended any new business after asking for the…
Pfizer says EpiPen shortage will not affect critical supply of Viagra
OTTAWA – One of the world’s largest pharmaceutical corporations issued a reassuring statement about availability of one of its most profitable and therefore life-saving prescription drugs t…
Nova Scotia Health Authority reminds residents to hold off on heart attacks until ERs re-open
HALIFAX – The Nova Scotia Health Authority is reminding residents affected by ER closures to stop any heart attacks, strokes, and any other health emergency, and resume them when the facili…
Bike thieves demand separate bike-thief lanes
KAMLOOPS, BC – A group of bicycle thieves are petitioning the local government to construct more protected routes for those who regularly steal bikes. The group of small-time criminals say …
Ford announces plan to cut Toronto City Council size by killing 1 million Torontonians
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford will be reducing the number of elected municipal representatives in Toronto by culling over a million of its residents. 47 councillors for approximately …
ISIS claims responsibility for Ezra Levant
TORONTO – The Islamic State has claimed responsibility for Ezra Levant, a source has confirmed. “Ezra Levant, soldier of the Islamic State, will continue to divide Canadians against one ano…
Trudeau’s tweet blamed for welcoming forests fires
OTTAWA – Conservative MPs were on the offensive today blaming a tweet made by Prime Minister Justin Trudeau that welcomed illegal forests fire crossing into Canada. While the opposition cou…
