Saudi Arabia sanctions Canada from its lucrative flogging industries - The Beaverton

Saudi Arabia sanctions Canada from its lucrative flogging industries

RIYAHD – In yet another blow to Canadian international trade, Saudi Arabia said the Canadian government will no longer be able to access the country’s profitable corporal punishment industries such as whips, rods, and amputation devices.

Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman explained to the foreign press that Canada will no longer be able to deliver swift punishment to criminals and the morally defective using the latest Saudi technologies in human misery.

“We have just developed the newest version of the cat o’ nine tails that we knew the Canadian judicial system was interested in,” explained bin Salman. “Our bamboo beating rods are of the highest quality and you can’t get them anywhere else.”

Saudi Arabia is the lead exporter of punishment devices in the region and the move may cost the Canadian economy tens of dollars.

“Thieves in Canada will live with both hands without the help of our research and development,” warned the Crown Prince. “Blasphemers and people who consume alcohol will run around freely without receiving dozens of lashes and prison sentences. Canadians may call that a ‘hockey game,’ but that’s chaos.”

At press time, the Middle Eastern Kingdom said it may place further sanctions by adding a tariff to sales of sharp rocks used to stone women adulterers. In response, the Trudeau government will said it will sign as many weapons deals as it needs to with Saudi Arabia to restore normal diplomatic relations.

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