You aren’t alone. It happens to every majority government. One minute, you’re engaged in a lively debate at a bipartisan committee meeting. The next thing you know, the press release you already wrote because the meeting was just a sham to appease your opposition is coming out and making a giant mess. It’s everywhere.
The most important thing is not to blame yourself. Nothing is ever your fault. But if you want to avoid this kind of embarrassment the next time you’re seriously entertaining anything related to the Alberta separatist movement, here are five tips you can try in the comfort of your own chambers to avoid a premature release.
1. Self-release before your next committee meeting
It might sound simple, but it really works. Light a candle, turn on some Al Green, and draft a statement about pipelines or equalization that you release into some tissues or an old sock. It’ll be at least a couple of hours before you could possibly disseminate another statement.
2. Legislative floor exercises
Also known as “legals,” these are quick exercises to help improve your party’s self-control. They’re so easy, you can do them any time. Seriously, I’m doing them right now.
3. Ledging
Bring yourself as close as you possibly can to The Ledge without getting there. Then cool down with a quick trip to the Ice District. Repeat until you and your official opposition are both ready to put out a statement. Trust me, it’ll feel so much better when you do.
4. Topical numbing
If thinking about the Forever Canadian petition just gets you too excited, try some topical numbing. Sit back, close your eyes, and think about a really boring topical issue instead, like Bill 204, the Publicly Funded Health Entity Whistleblower Protection Act. You’ll be numb before you know it.
5. Acceptance
Sometimes, no matter what protections you take, your press releases will burst out sooner than you’d like. And that’s okay. All you can do is practice self acceptance. After all, it’s not like you’ll ever face any consequences for your actions!
