MONTREAL – Local Habs fan Jeff Donoghue says he needs just a few more training sessions before he is in mid-season trash talking shape.
“Other off-seasons I’ve kind of let my game and conditioning slip, but not this year,” said Donoghue. “I’ve been working real hard on my cardio and I hired a voice coach to help with my screams.”
“SEENNNNNNNNNSSSS SSSSSSSUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKK!!!!!” he then yelled before adding “almost there.”
Donoghue is one of many fans who are gearing up for their duty of talking as much smack as possible about every other team. Other exercises he has done include taking an online photoshop course to make better memes, bench presses so it looks better when he sticks out his chest and says ‘come at me bro’ to other fans and finger exercises to improve how fast he can shitpost on twitter.
“It’s important to be the first one to comment ‘enjoy your first round exit’ or ’67’ anytime the Leafs twitter account posts anything,” said Oilers fan Dalton Carpazzu. “Otherwise it just looks like you’re stealing someone else’s original idea.”
The amount of work is a far cry from previous years, when fans would mostly rest and play golf during the summer and only really start coming up with funny chants to yell at opposing team’s goaltenders in December and January. But this new generation seems to be built different.
“Sure it’s hard. I’d like to see my family more, maybe go to the movies every once in a while. But you have to put in the effort if you want to make it to the big time. By which I of course mean the front page of the Hockey subreddit,” said Donoghue.