EDMONTON – Down 3-0 to the Florida Panthers, Edmonton Oilers fans report they don’t know what is making them feel worse: the possibility of being swept out of the Stanley Cup Finals, …
Tag: Leafs
Toronto’s expansion WNBA franchise mathematically certain to win their league championship before Leafs do
TORONTO – Former MLSE chair Larry Tanenbaum is reportedly set to bring an expansion WNBA franchise to Toronto for the start of the 2026 season, who will undoubtedly win their league champio…
Maple Leafs begin search for new scapegoat
TORONTO – The Maple Leafs have fired head coach Sheldon Keefe after another first round exit, beginning a search for a new shmuck to blame the franchise’s larger problems on. “While we appreciate…
Hardworking Leafs tie up series, maximize how sad fans will be when they still lose
TORONTO – The Toronto Maple Leafs have tied their playoff series against the rival Boston Bruins at 3-3, working hard to engineer a uniquely perfect opportunity to break their fans’ collect…
Loblaws promises to lower grocery prices as soon as Leafs win three rounds in the playoffs
TORONTO – Loblaws announced this week that it will lower its record-breaking prices once the Toronto Maple Leafs stumble their way into a third round victory for the first time in their franchise…
Leafs assure devastated fans that this is them trying their best
TORONTO – After delivering an uninspired effort in Game 4 that saw them fall behind 3-1 in their first round series against the Boston Bruins, the Toronto Maple Leafs took time to promise t…
What top NHL trade targets will cost the Leafs versus what they will cost every other team
The NHL trade deadline is fast approaching. And Beaverton sports has got you covered with the top available players, broken down by what they will cost 31 of the league’s teams, and then ho…
Auston Matthews vows to work on his “pass to a guy who passes to a guy who scores” skills so he can finally deserve MVP
LAS VEGAS – Fresh off scoring 51 goals in 54 games Leafs centre Auston Matthews has announced that he has heard the criticism and will immediately devote his time and effort to developing h…
“Counting games in hand we’re only the 2nd worst team in the East,” says Sens fan who picked them to make Conference Finals
OTTAWA – Having earned only 22 points the Ottawa Senators are last in the eastern conference standings. But given their games in hand they’re actually only second worst, as Sens fans …
Leafs fake injury to star rookie goaltender to save 750k on the Cap
TORONTO – The Toronto Maple Leafs plan to circumvent the NHL’s Salary Cap continued again last night, with the team staging an obviously fake injury to Joseph Woll in order to save on…