OTTAWA – Local man David Vogel is telling anyone who will listen that he is done with COVID and it’s associated restrictions, even as he does about as much as humanly possible to keep the virus going.
“It’s over. It’s been two years and we’re done,” said the man who regularly attends events with thousands of other people while standing as close as possible with no mask on.
Vogel pointed out that politicians like Trudeau and Ford had promised that restrictions would be over by now back in the summer of 2021, before it became clear that a small but significant portion of the population would not only refuse the vaccine, but behave as if it was their life’s mission to ensure as many people get COVID as possible.
“This country is about freedom. I’m free to do whatever I want without any restrictions and if you’re too young to be vaccinated or suffering from pre-existing health conditions, you’re free to be stuck at home due to a virus made worse by my freedoms, all while watching me go on tv talk about how I don’t have any freedom. Freedom!”
Vogel then screamed “whoooooo” in several people’s faces, coughed without covering his mouth and sneezed straight up in the air so the particles could disperse as widely as possible.
In related news the novel coronavirus had named David it’s “super spreader of the month.”