QUEEN’S PARK – Just days after taking office, Doug Ford has cut education costs in Ontario by firing all 113,672 full time teachers, and replacing them with Gary, a retired cop who has ‘seen some…
Tag: Ford
Rest of Canada would appreciate it if Ontario would hurry the fuck up and vote already
EVERYWHERE THAT ISN’T ONTARIO – The rest of Canada is urging Ontario to please take whatever steps are necessary to conclude their tumultuous and extremely prolonged provincial election. “Our res…
Doug Ford finds millions in efficiencies in brother’s widow’s inheritance
Etobicoke, ON – After Renata Ford, his brother’s widow, accused him of stealing money from her Rob Ford’s estate, Doug Ford issued a statement showing how his cost-cutting measures actually…
Leaked Ontario election poll shows Ontarians ranked dead last
TORONTO – A newly leaked poll from EKOS research shows that Ontarians are poised to be the losers in the upcoming provincial election. “The popular vote is deadlocked between the NDP and th…
Doug Ford nothing like Donald Trump, says man who would gladly have voted for Donald Trump
ETOBICOKE, ON – Donald Trump and Doug Ford are ‘nothing alike’ according to new research from one local man who gladly would have voted for a senile rapist war criminal. “The comparison is totall…
Man who dies of heart attack in underfunded hospital in 2021 tells family he’s voting for Doug Ford
Etobicoke, ON – Aaron Harris, who will die in a waiting room of a myocardial infarction in three years, has announced to his family that he plans on voting for Doug Ford and his policy of a…
EDITORIAL: I hate everything Doug Ford stands for, but I love giving my dentist money
By Daniel Brinkley I’m facing a moral quandary right now. I’m a progressive person and I want what’s best for Ontario, but the Liberals and NDP have made a controversial promise that I think goes…
Doug Ford promises to replace Liberal sex-ed curriculum with shoe box full of naked Barbies and GI Joes
TORONTO – After weeks of campaigning to repeal Kathleen Wynne’s inclusive sex-ed curriculum, Doug Ford has unveiled his replacement plan: a shoebox filled with nude Barbie and GI Joe dolls.…
Doug Ford promises to bring blue-collar manufacturing jobs back to Ontario’s robots
TORONTO – Progressive Conservative leader Doug Ford outlined his plan to fix Ontario’s manufacturing sector, bringing hundreds of thousands of jobs to the province’s rustbelt robots. “Manuf…
Toronto Mayor John Tory smashes crack pipe to christen new Rob Ford Memorial Stadium
TORONTO – Mayor John Tory partook in a ceremony at the newly named Rob Ford Memorial Stadium this afternoon, christening the park by smashing a slightly burnt crack pipe against a concrete …
