TORONTO – After swearing they were done with him and everything he offers, the province of Ontario has come crawling back to its dealer for another taste. “Hey man! You holding any hi…
Tag: Ford
“I don’t know anything about the other candidates” is both worst and best reason to vote for Ford
Halton Hills, ON ― Political analysts have determined that your grandfather’s rationale for voting Conservative in June of “I haven’t heard anything about this Del Duca guy” is complete bullshit,…
Man who is “done with COVID” sure doing everything he can to keep it going
OTTAWA – Local man David Vogel is telling anyone who will listen that he is done with COVID and it’s associated restrictions, even as he does about as much as humanly possible to keep…
Doug Ford promises to spend second term undoing harm caused by first term
TORONTO – After un-cancelling the $15 minimum wage increase, Premier Doug Ford is promising Ontarians that, if re-elected, he will spend the entirety of his second term fighting tooth and n…
Premier Doug Ford relying on Magic 8 ball to devise entire Covid-19 response plan
TORONTO, ONTARIO – After an 8-month long external investigation of Premier Doug Ford’s Covid-19 response plan, it has been discovered that the trust-fund child, turned Premier has been relying on…
Ford promises Oosterhoff controversy will not distract government from the vital work of bungling vaccine distribution
TORONTO – After Tory MPP and Parliamentary Secretary Sam Oosterhoff gave a speech to a controversial anti-abortion group that recently compared a woman’s right to choose to the Holoca…
Ontario scrambling after discovering vaccines need to be administered to population
TORONTO – The Ontario government is racing to fix a huge oversight with COVID-19 vaccines after realizing they also need to actually administer them to people. “I just don’t know how someon…
Ford vows to stop COVID by 7th wave
TORONTO – Last week, Ontario premier Doug Ford announced that his administration is committed to bringing the COVID-19 situation under control by no later than the 7th major spike in cases.…
Ford confident dead Ontarians would’ve been much happier seeing COVID funding used to balance his budget
QUEEN’S PARK – With Ontario sitting on $6.4 billion in unallocated pandemic-relief funds, more than any other province, Premier Doug Ford assured Ontarians that using those funds to balance…
Doug Ford rattles bars on cell as imposter continues to competently manage COVID-19 pandemic
TORONTO – An increasingly enraged Premier Doug Ford has taken to shaking the bars on his cage as he is forced to watch an imposter competently manage Ontario’s COVID-19 pandemic respo…
