TORONTO – Struggling to address the public backlash from their revisions to the funding for the Ontario Autism Program, the Progressive Conservative Party has pivoted to introduce a new Buck-an-A…
Tag: Ford
Ford government solves Toronto housing crisis for everyone who is an MPP
TORONTO – In a surprise move sure to boost the party’s popularity among Torontonians, the Ontario Conservative government has completely solved Toronto’s housing crisis for ever…
Doug Ford won’t stop taping ‘Mayor Of Toronto’ sign on office door
TORONTO – Despite being removed every night by janitorial staff, Doug Ford continues to tape a handwritten sign on his office door that reads ‘Mayor of Toronto.’ “At first I thought it was …
Ontario PC party says it wasn’t fear-mongering to describe refugees as fire-breathing, 12ft tall bat-creatures
TORONTO – Lisa MacLeod, Ontario’s new social-services minister, says she wasn’t trying to stoke anti-immigrant fears when she described all refugees as huge demons whose breath can reduce a…
Ford promises obsolete sex-ed curriculum will be updated to include girl-on-top
QUEEN’S PARK – After a weeks-long furore around sex-ed in Ontario’s schools, Doug Ford has promised that the 1998 curriculum will be updated to include contemporary issues, such as girl-on-…
Doug Ford cuts millions in education costs by replacing every teacher in Ontario with one retired cop
QUEEN’S PARK – Just days after taking office, Doug Ford has cut education costs in Ontario by firing all 113,672 full time teachers, and replacing them with Gary, a retired cop who has ‘seen some…
Rest of Canada would appreciate it if Ontario would hurry the fuck up and vote already
EVERYWHERE THAT ISN’T ONTARIO – The rest of Canada is urging Ontario to please take whatever steps are necessary to conclude their tumultuous and extremely prolonged provincial election. “Our res…
Doug Ford finds millions in efficiencies in brother’s widow’s inheritance
Etobicoke, ON – After Renata Ford, his brother’s widow, accused him of stealing money from her Rob Ford’s estate, Doug Ford issued a statement showing how his cost-cutting measures actually…
Leaked Ontario election poll shows Ontarians ranked dead last
TORONTO – A newly leaked poll from EKOS research shows that Ontarians are poised to be the losers in the upcoming provincial election. “The popular vote is deadlocked between the NDP and th…
Doug Ford nothing like Donald Trump, says man who would gladly have voted for Donald Trump
ETOBICOKE, ON – Donald Trump and Doug Ford are ‘nothing alike’ according to new research from one local man who gladly would have voted for a senile rapist war criminal. “The comparison is totall…