TORONTO – Following months of frustration surrounding Ontario’s delayed vaccine rollout, officials have announced the launch of a new website that will allow Ontarians to sign up for a pretend waitlist just for funsies!
“People have been so excited to sign up for vaccines across the province despite endless confusion, long wait times, and shortages so we figured why not make an even more pointless registry that’s purposefully impossible to navigate purely just for kicks!” said spokesperson Mary Volchek, “Our goal is really to make signing up for a vaccine feel as sisyphean as possible… but in a fun way!”
Volchek went on to explain that the portal allows users to select which vaccine they will not receive between Phozer, Jackson & Jackson, Schmoderna, and AstroZirconia. While users navigate the extremely confusing interface, they’ll encounter a number of super fun features designed to enhance the experience including a Captcha that asks users to click the stop signs but only shows pictures of owls, constant crashing due to high volume (adding a fun will-they-or-won’t-they element), and an autoplay loop of the CRA hold music that you can’t turn off.
Of course, these super fun features aren’t the main draw of the website. The main draw is not getting vaccines.
“Hahah No! Of Course not!” said one back end developer when asked if the website had any intention of calling people on the waitlist when vaccines become available in their area. “Mainly because the website only allows people to enter ‘90210’ as their Postal Code. But sometimes we’ll reach out to users with an appointment just to cancel it a few hours later just for the hell of it. It’s like a fun game of Russian roulette except everyone dies!”
While the website has only just launched, it’s already gaining rave reviews from users across the province eager to receive their vaccination. Many of whom often find the link after decoding a series of cryptic cyphers on twitter.
“Sure, I just got an alert for an appointment on the Eleventeenth of Februvember at a Shopper’s Drug Mart that, when I googled the address was actually a Wendys but no one can say I didn’t have the time of my life using this incredibly fun website” said 41 year old Greg Martindale, staring dead eyed at his spinning pinwheel cursor. “Look! Every time I hit refresh, confetti falls on the screen and then a gif that says ‘Womp Womp’’ pops up. How cool is that? Sometimes it’s not about the destination, it’s all about the journey”
At press time, the Provincial government announced that, due to unprecedented traffic, they plan to unveil a new online registry that will serve as a pretend waitlist just for funsies to register for their real pretend waitlist just for funsies.