BURBANK, CA – Yesterday, the Walt Disney Company announced 10 new Star Wars TV series starring beloved characters like Dorfus Kent, Ultra Moff Charlie, and Fudge Offal, or some nonsense like that…
Tag: Disney
Disney World Darth Vader actually having trouble breathing
ORLANDO, FL – Numerous Disney World customers were annoyed after one of the actors playing Darth Vader actually had trouble breathing due to contracting corona-virus from park patrons. “It …
Avatar 2 delayed until after Avatar 3
LOS ANGELES – Director James Cameron has announced today that Avatar 2, the long-gestating sequel to his 2009 magnum opus, has been delayed by COVID-19 restrictions, and will not be coming …
Disney World reopens in hopes that inevitable parental deaths will inspire future films
ORLANDO – As COVID-19 continues to surge in record numbers across Florida, Disney World made the controversial decision to reopen to the public yesterday in the hopes of gleaning story ideas from…
Disney’s Splash Mountain loses coveted title of 4th most racist mountain in America
Orlando, FL – Disney’s Splash Mountain has lost its official designation of the 4th most racist mountain in America after the company unveiled plans to re-theme the attraction this week. “F…
Star Wars super fan’s least favourite franchise probably Star Wars
PARENT’S BASEMENT, AB – Local Star Wars fanatic Jake Martin has come to the conclusion that Star Wars is the best franchise he has ever hated with all his heart. “By far the greatest …
Disney World employee just now realizing he forgot to put food down for Goofy before he locked up
ORLANDO, FL – A Disney World employee is in hot water after realizing he locked up for quarantine without leaving food down for Goofy. “Bob (Chapek, fmr. Director of Disney Parks) had creat…
Netflix password-sharing crackdown reveals just one paid subscriber
LOS GATOS, CA -– Following a new policy designed to strictly limit account-sharing among multiple users, Netflix has discovered that it has always just been one subscriber. The lone paying custom…
Millennial Christmas party evacuated as guests run out of TV shows to talk about
TORONTO — Guests at a holiday party hosted by millennial couple Elaine Royce and Andray Parker were evacuated by first responders as their guests realized they had run out of TV series to m…
Jason Kenney’s war room unveils new, one-of-a-kind logo
EDMONTON – After being caught plagiarizing a US tech company’s logo for his government’s Canadian Energy Centre, Alberta Premier Jason Kenney has unveiled a new, unique logo. “It’s called t…