alcohol Archives - The Beaverton

Tag: alcohol

Terrible first date enters 7,200th second

MONTREAL — In a seemingly never-ending sequence of horrible moments, a first date between Melanie Tremblant and Danny Simpson has just entered its 7,200th second and currently shows no signs of e…


Alcohol reports it’s giving YOU up for January

WINNIPEG — Following the holiday season, and after much soul-searching, this week alcohol officially declared that it is abstaining from you for the month of January. “I was starting to fee…


Curling team kicked off ice for being too sober

CALGARY — Local curling team, the Cowtown Curly Fries, were ejected from their match at the Calgary Bi-Annual Bonspiel yesterday for showing up to play completely unimpaired. Referee Dan Mi…