ALTOONA, PA – Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden held a last-minute drive-in campaign rally on the campus of Penn State-Altoona, and while the attendees were ostensibly there to supp…
Tag: Teens
Local highschooler thinks new wallet chain will prove he’s not fucking around this year
CALGARY, AB – Duncan Mckenzie believes the new chain connecting his quicksilver branded wallet to his pants is really going to turn some heads this year. “A lot of kids don’t seem to take m…
Scientists discover zebras got stripes to be cool as teens and now they can’t take them off
BRISTOL, UK – A recent study shows zebras are normal horses that got stripes when they were in their teen years and now they can’t remove them, even though they want to. The reasons behind …
Scientists confirm cool teenagers can smell your fear
KINGSTON, ON – A team of scientists at Queen’s University issued a press release yesterday stating that after a harrowing study, they have officially concluded that cool teenagers can smell when …
STUDY: TV shows made for teens exclusively consumed by mid-thirties viewers
LOS ANGELES — A recent study has proven that television specifically written for the teenage demographic is exclusively being consumed by people in their thirties. “At first we were flatter…
Vancouver School Board worried that learning will get in the way of film productions
VANCOUVER – The Vancouver School Board has expressed concerns regarding the safety and productivity of film crews and the negative effects the returning student body will have on them this …
Summer camp proprietor really hoping these unexplained axe murders blow over
HALIBURTON, ON – With the body count of attractive teenage victims rising, local summer camp proprietor, Mel Heinman, 57, told reporters yesterday he really hopes all these unexplained axe-…
Alberta UCP vows parents will be alerted at first sign child shows any progressive leanings
RED DEER, AB – The United Conservative Party passed a motion at their convention this past weekend to require that teachers notify parents if their children display signs of holding any sor…
Mean-spirited teenagers bully poor, defenceless NRA
WASHINGTON, D.C. – The National Rifle Association is struggling after a group of teenagers used aggressive bullying tactics to disrespect and humiliate the innocent arms advocates. NRA spok…
Riverdale Recap: I stopped watching but here’s what I’m pretty sure is happening
As an avid reader of Archie comics, when The CW announced that they were making a film-noir, sexy teen version of the show, I was waiting with breath that was baited. As the first season came to …