SAN FRANCISCO – In a heartwarming display of solidarity, the entire community of the audio-only social media platform Clubhouse have banded together to make sure that you, specifically, nev…
Tag: Technology
Gamers living in late-capitalist dystopia outraged they have to wait another 3 weeks to play Cyberpunk 2077
NEW YORK – Gamers the world over currently living in a late-capitalist system run by a few megacorporations who control vast swathes of personal data while using technology to increase the …
Tesla reveals plans for self-actualizing car
MENLO PARK – This week, technology giant Tesla Motors announced plans to design and build a new generation of self-actualized cars. “I envision a world where we own cars that not only drive…
WinRAR CEO horrified to learn his software has been free this whole time
SAN FRANCISCO – WinRAR developer Eugene Roshal was shocked to discover that despite his popular file compression program’s very clear 40-day trial policy, literally no one on the Internet h…
Man makes fun of grandmother for plastic-covered couch on phone encased in 2 pounds of rubber
VANCOUVER – Hoping a joke about his grandmother’s twenty year old couch covered in plastic will resonate with his 237 Instagram followers, Kyle Anderson, 24, recently posted about it from h…
Child gets Facebook account to keep tabs on parents
SAINT JOHN, NB – Making sure they’re not getting into any serious trouble, local 13-year-old, Francis Hollander has recently created a Facebook account to keep track of her parent’s activit…
BREAKING: Mother of three finally figures out how to use digital camera
THUNDER BAY, ON – After finally getting around to using her Christmas gift from ten years ago, late breaking reports indicate that mother of three Joanna Johnson, 57, has finally figured ou…
Company unveils new ‘smart condom’ even though the smartest condom will always be abstinence
NOTTINGHAM, UK – A British company has released the first images of their long-awaited “smart condom”, a wearable tech device which promises to be second only to the smartest condom of all: sexua…
iPhone X comes with pre-cracked screen, 89 group text-notifications
CUPERTINO, CA – After waiting months for the release of the iPhone X, Apple fans were pleased to discover new features that the new technology comes loaded with, including a pre-cracked scr…
Grindr update: Headless torso seeks head
VANCOUVER – Local gay hook-up app user h0rse_huñg, whose Grindr profile image features only a naked, headless torso, is reportedly seeking head. While experts speculate that the user may be…