GENEVA – A consortium of environmental scientists released a declaration that humanity’s accelerating march toward climate catastrophe had previously been avoidable before you left the ligh…
Tag: Featured Post
“You should totally have kids!” says friend who should not have had kids
Windsor, ON – Jacob Framer, a man who should never in a million years be allowed to care for young children, has recently been heard encouraging various friends and family members to procre…
Elon Musk close to fulfilling conditions of eccentric uncle’s will to spend 45 B$ without giving it away
SAN FRANCISCO — Elon Musk is on the verge of completing the stipulations of his uncle’s will wherein he must spend 45 B$ without giving it away. By doing so before the end of the year, Elon Musk …
‘See No Covid, Hear No Covid’ strategy working about as well as expected
OTTAWA – As cases skyrocket around the country and hospitals are overwhelmed, the federal and provincial health approach of ‘see no covid, hear no covid’ has been called into qu…
Elon Musk suspended from Twitter for impersonating competent businessman
SAN FRANCISCO — Elon Musk’s Twitter account was briefly suspended for violating the site’s new parody guidelines after he was discovered tweeting in the guise of a “successful entrepreneur.” The …
Spotify Premium now lets users remove a musician’s dinner from their stomach
STOCKHOLM — Spotify founder and CEO Daniel Ek called a press conference today to announce a new feature of the music streaming site’s premium subscription tier, namely the option for users to rem…
Zuckerberg banishes 11,000 workers to the Metaverse
MENLO PARK, CA – After disappointing results in the latest quarter, Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg sent out a notice to his workforce that the company is expelling 11,000 employees from corporeal…
Modern Renaissance man? This guy is a painter AND a geocentrist
EDMONTON – According to local sources, polymath Alan Fowler never ceases to amaze everyone he meets with his incredible artistic talent, deep knowledge of classical literature, and unshakeable be…
Food banks dissolve after Canadian families find missing $13.99/month needed to avoid starvation
OTTAWA — On advice from Minister of Finance Chrystia Freeland to cut wasteful spending such as their Disney+ subscriptions, thousands of struggling Canadian families were finally able to scrounge…
Ford: Kids too young to learn their own anatomy are mature enough to be political pawns
TORONTO – Premier Doug Ford clarified today that Ontario’s young students remain too young to learn the proper names for genitalia but are definitely mature enough to be used as polit…
