Just Outside of HOPE, BC ― Local third-grade teacher Jude Thompson was reimbursed for a cloud this week, after he discovered that the dark mass of suspended water droplets, given to him by his pa…
Tag: Dumb Week
Renaissance fair cancelled due to supply chain mail issues
HALIFAX – After months of ye olde stocking issues, Halifax Annual Renaissance Faireth has proclaimed the event will be cancelled due to insurmountable supply chain mail issues. The yearly g…
Local cat gets his best ideas at 3am
ST. JOHN’S, NF — Local cat Barney Gabriel Boudreault has shared that he gets his best ideas at three o’clock in the morning. “They say an artist can’t afford to wait around for inspiration,…
FreshCo and Food Basics announce they are actually two different places
MISSISSAUGA/TORONTO – The discount grocery store chains FreshCo and Food Basics have released a joint statement stating unequivocally that they are two different grocery stores, and not the…
Makers of Period Shits™ announce release of new morning product ‘Oops, all farts!’
A spokesperson for Menstruation Inc. announced at a press conference last Friday that the company is launching a new product in the new year. Aptly named ‘Oops, all farts’, the new product resemb…
From the creators of Shark Week, comes Shart Week
NATIONWIDE – From the minds that brought you Shark Week, comes an entirely original week-long thrill about accidentally pooping when passing gas, called Shart Week. “There I was, alone in t…
Report: Praying Mantises not as good at Kung Fu as legends claim
TORONTO, ON – A new study from the University of Toronto’s Centre for Martial Arts Research is suggesting that the long-held belief that mantis style kung fu was learned from watching actua…
Nation’s Victorian great uncles announce plans to marry their wards
YORK — In a joint statement to the press, a consortium of Victorian-era great uncles this week made public their intentions to marry the rich, orphaned heiresses under their legal guardianship. “…
Dr. Oetker has medical licence revoked
BERLIN – The German Medical Association has announced the immediate and unanimous revocation of the license to practice medicine of Dr. Oetker. “This has been many years coming. We find it shocki…
Man trapped in endless loop of diving into infinity pool
EDMONTON – Jacob Quinn, a guest at the Mirage hotel is currently entering his third hour of diving into the infinity pool. “I just waited for him to come up from the water, but he never did…