‘Hunger Games’ themed sweet sixteen gets way out of hand
BRACEBRIDGE, ON – Police were dispatched to the Claire family’s Arbordale residence yesterday morning, after reports that Madison Claire’s Hunger Games-themed birthday party had…
No one shows up to Michael Ignatieff’s basketball party
OTTAWA – None of the 25 guests invited by Michael Ignatieff to his weekend basketball-birthday party either showed up or sent an RSVP, the former Liberal Party leader told reporters. “…
Man spends $3000 dollars on snakes in one day
HALIFAX – Local herpetophile James Carruthers spent upwards of $2900 on 2 juvenile Burmese pythons in the back room of Sammy’s pet store earlier this afternoon. “Snakes are the …
Harper government continues to face criticism for F-35 jet costs
Responding to continued criticisms over the high price tag of F-35 jets, the Conservative government has taken the project out of the Defence Department’s hands and given it to Public Works…
Leafs decide friendship more important than playoffs anyway
TORONTO – The Toronto Maple Leafs made a public statement today revealing that their friendship had, if anything, been strengthened by the team’s failure to make the playoffs for the …
After 10 years PEI finally returns Nova Scotia’s lawn mower
NOVA SCOTIA – The province of PEI finally returned a borrowed lawn mower from 10 years ago to its neighbours in Nova Scotia. “The lawn mower is making a funny noise now and they didn’t fill…
To be perfectly honest, I couldn’t give a shit what you have to say to me
By a Voice Recorder Listen. First off, I know we’ve been working together for quite some time. I appreciate your loyalty when you could easily buy a more modern and convenient iPod touch with a b…
Machismo exhibited by not holding pole in subway car
TORONTO – Local commuter Jeff Saunders impressed passengers on a subway car when he abstained from holding the pole as the train came to a halt, sources reported last week. As the subway de…
Guy that lives in suburbs tells everyone he lives downtown
PICKERING, ON – Suburban citizen Jake Laysley tells everyone he meets that he lives downtown, despite the 1.5-hour driving commute it takes him to arrive in Toronto from his house in Picker…
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