OTTAWA – After a series of embarrassing mishaps and scandals Prime Minister Stephen Harper is denying any role in knowing Senator Mike Duffy, most of the conservative caucus and members of his immediate family.
“Mr Speaker, I can assure the House that I was unaware of the existence of Senator Mike Duffy, Bev Oda, Nigel Wright, Tom Flanagan, the conservative caucus and the two children that the Opposition claims that I fathered,” Harper stated during Question Period. “These allegations are complete nonsense. I may have seen, shook hands or lived in a traditional Christian nuclear family with these people, but I didn’t know them.”
Mr. Harper further denied reports that PMO staff had spent the weekend airbrushing Duffy out of photos with Harper and collecting the prime minister’s Beatles records from Bev Oda.
The prime minister began to distance himself from his offspring after a series of embarrassing family errors where his son, Benjamin, was caught smoking and skipping school and his daughter, Rachel, was caught drawing hearts around photos of Justin Trudeau.
“I can tell you that these children – who are only associated to me by last name – have been disciplined and the problem rectified” Harper added while unfriending Nigel Wright on Facebook from his Blackberry.
“There is a national consensus that I am incapable of having a loving relationship with another human being,” he added with several MPs nodding in agreement behind him.
