Scab taxpayers audit themselves
OTTAWA – 35,000 Canada Revenue Agency workers remain on strike this week as part of a larger strike of over 100,000 Public Service Alliance of Canada (PSAC) workers, and enterprising citize…
Leafs really excited to fuck this all up spectacularly
TORONTO – Still reeling off their astonishing come-from-behind win in Game Four against Tampa Bay, the Toronto Maple Leafs are showing renewed enthusiasm for the inevitable and complete collapse …
Calgary tackles housing crisis by spending $867 million on new home for the Flames
CALGARY – As an increasing number of Calgarians struggle to find affordable housing, the City of Calgary has teamed up with the province of Alberta to spend $867 million to build one very s…
Where are they now? Volleyball from Castaway deflated version of former self
LOS ANGELES – After climbing to great heights as Tom Hanks’ co-star, the volleyball from Castaway is a deflated version of his former self. Prior to getting the role in Castaway, Wilson, as…
Driver causing 15 minute traffic delay by parking in middle of road put flashers on so it’s totally fine
TORONTO – Drivers stuck behind a car that inexplicably stopped in the middle of the road on a street with only 1 lane in each direction were about to be very mad until they saw that the off…
Diversity hire? Golf Town recruits white guy with ADHD
Barrie, ON – In a stunning move toward equity, diversity and inclusion, Golf Town hired Adam Grunt, a straight, white man with ADHD, to manage its Barrie location. “As a marginalized person, this…
Fox News fires Tucker Carlson, will replace him with cheaper racist
NEW YORK – Right-wing propaganda network Fox News is tightening its belt after agreeing to pay $787 million to Dominion Voting Systems to settle a defamation lawsuit, and the first unnecess…
Toddler news: Mom has her own mom, and her name is Grandma
Bunny Hop Preschool – In shocking news to toddlers everywhere, it has been discovered that Mommy has her own mommy, and you’ll never guess who it is. Grandma! It may seem hard to believe, becaus…
CIBC unveils new “Pauper’s Grave” retirement plan
TORONTO – In an acknowledgement of the financial struggles many Canadians are facing, CIBC has announced a new investment plan to help customers scrape through lives of quiet desperation until th…
Queen’s University offers Musk 8 dollars a month to stop telling people he went there
KINGSTON, ON – Queen’s University has reached out to Elon Musk offering eight dollars a month to stop telling people he attended the higher learning institution. While the university …
