Foreign Minister spending way too much time at home
OTTAWA – Since his appointment as Canada’s Minister of Foreign Affairs last May, the honourable John Baird has been spending an excessive amount of time at home, much to the disappointment …
Corporations to phase out environment in next 10 years
CALGARY – Several large corporations in Canada and the U.S. have announced plans to completely phase-out the environment by 2022 in order to focus on profits. “Performance reviews indicated…
Catholic Church rebrands Original Sin as ‘Sin Classic’
VATICAN CITY – Looking to renew interest in Catholicism among consumers aged 16-27, the Catholic Church announced yesterday that it would be rebranding its Original Sin to ‘Sin Classi…
Pope no longer returning God’s calls
VATICAN CITY – Pope Benedict XVI, Bishop of Rome and Servant of the Servants of God, has not been returning God’s phone calls, according to Pontifical Household sources. “It’s really …
Lazy charity holds annual Drive for the Cure campaign
CALGARY – A record number of drivers showed up Monday morning for the General Motors Drive for the Cure, an event held yearly in Calgary’s downtown. Sidewalks were closed off from 8:30am to…
Rob Ford probably doing something stupid right now
TORONTO – Although he is not currently in the public eye or available for comment, city officials, journalists, and citizens of Toronto are all in agreement that mayor Rob Ford is probably …
Japan shuts down last nuclear reactor not part of a giant robot
JAPAN – Japanese Environment Minister, Goshi Hosono, announced today the closure of Japan’s last nuclear plant not powering a giant robot. “Because of the Fukushima disaster, al…
Ghost would like to move on now that scores are settled
WINNEPEG, MB – Initially intent on wreaking mild inconvenience on his enemies, the bored ghost of Mark Sammon, 34, realized earlier this week that his average life left him without enough h…
Study: 83% of human bodies ‘pretty gross’
GENEVA, SWITZERLAND – Researchers at the new Human Studies Institute of the world famous CERN Laboratory in Switzerland announced today the results of their study into the human body, revea…
