STRATHMORE, AB – The second phase of the construction of a massive golf course in Strathmore, Alberta has struck a chord with environmentally conscious members of the suburb, as well as with the Zargons that have been sleeping peacefully under the grounds for the past million years.
A number of community representatives and politicians have expressed their discontent with the project, which threatens to destroy the habitats of numerous animals, including the Common Tern, the aspen poplar, and the extraterrestrial silicon-based life forms that arrived there after their home planet was destroyed by a comet.
“The amount of pesticides and fertilizers that will be required down the road is ridiculous,” said Stanley Red, who lives near the planned course. “And don’t even get me started on the water usage.”
“Do you hear that rumbling? Never mind – it’s probably nothing,” Red added.
When asked about the community’s concerns, construction manager Bill Porter said that any ecological damage resulting from the golf course would be “kept to a minimum.”
“We are doing everything at our disposal not to disturb the ecosystem,” said Porter. “We have the latest techn- is it just me, or is the ground shaking? Anyway, of course, there will be some min- what’s that horrible screech?”
“R-r-run!”, added Porter, as a Zargon quadripod emerged from where the management office had stood just moments earlier.
Detractors have accused the Zargons of siding with developers after they ionized a group of protestors with an unknown weapon. These accusations were withdrawn shortly after the Zargons abducted the developing company’s board of directors and probed them within an inch of their lives.
“We should never have messed with nature,” said the only person left alive after the Zargons vaporized downtown Calgary. “It was only a matter of time before the aliens farmed us for our blood.”
“It’s not a war. It’s an extermination,” said the wide-eyed, dishevelled man. As he passed us a camcorder with shaky footage the Zargons, he added, “In case I don’t make it, show this to the world.”
At press time, the Zargons had been defeated by their lack of immunity to the golf course’s Kentucky Bluegrass, and construction has resumed.
