Panthers beat Leafs 3-3
TORONTO – The Florida Panthers ended the Leafs season in crushing fashion tonight, with a 3-3 OT victory. “We fought hard all year to give ourselves a chance to succeed,” said g…
Danielle Smith spotted on campaign trail with “Holocaust analogies = BAD” scribbled on her hand
EDMONTON – After apologising for comments made on a 2021 podcast that compared vaccinated Albertans to the followers of Adolf Hitler, Premier Danielle Smith has been doing her best to avoid simil…
Canadians explain why they’re mad about the new Passport design
The government has unveiled a new design to Canada’s passport. Out went images of Terry Fox and Vimy Ridge, something we definitely all knew were in our passports, and in went more abstract…
5 Mother’s Day gifts that say “we’re close, but not in a Gilmore Girls way”
With Mother’s Day fast approaching, many people look to Rory and Lorelai Gilmore as an example of the ideal mother-daughter relationship. But, if your mom never wore your clothes, called you her …
Danielle Smith claims wildfires would never have happened if trees refused to get vaccinated
CALGARY – Danielle Smith and her administration are currently under fire for a comment she made during a press conference where she explained the trees currently being burned would have not…
Breaking: Your grieving mother definitely slept with Gordon Lightfoot
Leamington, ON – Your mother has been sitting silently on her porch running her fingers through the fabric of an old summer dress and listening to “Gord’s Gold” on repeat all week and, oh God, oh…
“If I’m guilty then how do you explain the hundreds of sexual assaults I got away with” asks Trump
MANHATTAN, NY – Following a jury’s verdict that he had sexually abused magazine writer E. Jean Carroll in the 1990s and then defamed her, former US president Donald Trump has insisted on hi…
Gun violence grinds to a halt after God finds prayers in spam folder
HEAVEN – On a short Zoom call with stakeholders, today, God informed those present that the most recent mass shooting in the United States was the result of a too-broad junk filter in Heave…
Canada to discourage use of physical money by putting images of Charles on it
OTTAWA – The Government of Canada confirmed this week that images of Charles Mountbatten-Windsor, an unpopular foreign billionaire, will soon be placed on Canada’s coinage and $20 bills in …
Leafs pleased they could find a more creative way to devastate fans than just losing in first round again
Whatever city the Panthers play in, FL – Staring down a potential sweep to the Florida Panthers after turning in a truly horrendous effort in Game 3, The Toronto Maple Leafs say they are pl…
