OTTAWA – Paul Calandra recited ingredients from his favourite squash soup recipe this morning after he was asked by NDP leader Tom Mulcair to give information about Canada’s deployment in ...
Improv show tolerated by all
CALGARY – Wednesday night’s instalment of the longform improv comedy show, Lazer Slacks, was universally praised as “alright”, “satisfactory”, and “about what I expected”, according to the quart...
4chan user threatens to release nude photos of mother if she cuts off allowance
REGINA – Following a threat to actress Emma Watson over her feminist speech to the UN, 4chan user BuchowskisDICK has gone on to threaten his own mother with a nude photo release should she follo...
MBA graduate can’t sew button on shirt
TORONTO – University of Toronto Rotman School of Management graduate Keith Bannister has never learned how to properly sew a button on his shirt. Bannister, 29, who views clothing as a means to ...
Undercover Mountie still on horse
VANCOUVER – Undercover RCMP officer, Michael Reynolds, has neglected to dismount prior to his infiltration of a dangerous drug ring in British Columbia. “This is one of the highest traffic drug ...
Conservative bill proposes refugee exchange program
OTTAWA – Conservative party insiders have reported the government will move forward with an addendum to Bill C-585, which will create a program to send Canadians to war torn countries around the...
The guy who replaced Jack Layton to wear name tag
OTTAWA – In an effort to get Canadians accustomed to his name, the Official Opposition Leader who replaced the late Jack Layton will now be wearing a name tag during working hours. “Canadians de...
Human Rights Museum to revitalize Winnipeg’s economy by showcasing the suffering of others
WINNIPEG – Canada’s Human Rights Museum, with its seven floors of exhibits on the brutality endured by peoples the world over, is expected to be an economic boon to the city. “If it weren’t for the gr...
New survey reveals people hate tedious questioning
VANCOUVER – A recent, municipal census regarding what shade of Beige citizens prefer for the Town Hall lobby, revealed that people are fed up with answering vexatious questionnaires. Deputy Chie...
Scottish voters say ‘ach ye windie voon dawn’ to independence
EDINBURGH — After years of country-wide debate, and a frenzied campaign that appeared to tighten in the final weeks, the result of Scotland’s independence referendum made a resounding international st...
