Conservative bill proposes refugee exchange program - The Beaverton

Conservative bill proposes refugee exchange program

OTTAWA – Conservative party insiders have reported the government will move forward with an addendum to Bill C-585, which will create a program to send Canadians to war torn countries around the globe in equal numbers to those seeking asylum here.

“It’s an innovative project that aims to save Canadians money that would otherwise go towards providing those in need with the basic necessities they need to survive” explained Bill author and Pickering-Scarborough East MP Corneliu Chisu.

“It’s all about fairness. Is it fair that these countries are sending their citizens to benefit from our social assistance programs without letting Canadians visit to take advantage of any looting, plundering and/or pillaging opportunities available? I don’t think so”.

Tory insiders say countries where these involuntary refugees (IVRs for short) could be sent include “exciting” locales such as the Congo, Eastern Ukraine and, the classic option, Palestine. The IVRs themselves would come from all walks of life in Canada, including un-wed mothers, union leaders, and Aboriginals (who Tory insiders were quick to point out would likely adjust quickly as they are already used to Third World conditions).

“The program will allow Canadians to see parts of the world they haven’t experienced before simply due to lack of access and overwhelming safety concerns,” said Tory spokesman Tyler Kent. “Plus, if they make it back, maybe these people will have a higher appreciation for Canada and stop complaining so much.”

Recent refugee to Canada Moses Ibrahim of Sudan also endorsed the program saying, “the government here is not directly murdering people anymore, so that is good.”

Fierce opposition to the project has already mounted, but Chisu recommends opponents keep their thoughts to themselves, since “protesters” is also quite high on the list of people who will likely be shipped out.

At press time was planning a further “constitution exchange” where Canada’s parliamentary democracy would be “swapped” with the permanent despot regime of Zimbabwe.