China loans Canada two giant pandas
In what is being described as ‘Panda diplomacy,’ The People’s Republic of China has agreed to loan Canada two giant pandas – at a cost of $10 million – as a symbol of goodwill and the…
Teacher compares death of kindergartner’s puppy to divorce from Kathy
HAMILTON, ON – Thursday morning at the Hamilton Elementary School for Gifted Children, kindergarten teacher Greg Schwartz compared the death of student Marisa Jackson’s puppy to his divorce…
Our city needs to bind together and do something about the issue currently making headlines
By Catherine Del Pierro Today I would like to write about something that desperately needs all of our attention. Our city has neglected this matter for too long, whatever it is. Yes, it’s time fo…
Renegade stock clerk has big plans for aisle three
PEMBROKE, ON – Loblaws stock clerk Jeremy Brenton was quite vocal this morning with both customers and passersby regarding his “huge plans” for the store’s Aisle Three. Brenton was overheard mumb…
Master farter confused by constant rejection
MILTON, ON – Gifted tooter Josh Bibby expressed displeasure today at his inability to find a “nice girl,” despite his painstakingly-honed ability to fart on command. “I’ve tried online dati…
