Father’s Day text sent on way to hang out with friends

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Fans detach selves emotionally to prepare for Game of Thrones season finale

CANADA – Fans of the hit HBO program Game of Thrones nationwide began to sever any and all of their connections with their favourite characters, fearing that yet another of the show’s…

Hallmark sues third grader over plagiarized Father’s Day card

SASKATOON – Hallmark is launching a lawsuit against local eight year old Charlie Samson, accusing him of having stolen the concept of one of their greeting cards. “‘Best Father Ever’ is a p…

Local dad convinced his balls will not fall out of jogging shorts this year

GLENVALE, B.C. — The community of Glenvale is breathing a sigh of relief as John McHammond has announced he is sure his testicles will remain in his jogging shorts this year. “I love to run…

Tory anti-prostitution bill makes payment mandatory for all sexual activities

OTTAWA – Justice Minister Peter MacKay unveiled new legislation this month that would reduce the risk of exploitation and danger in prostitution by making the exchange of money a necessary precur…

Forest fire devastates millions of acres of good firewood

SAN DIEGO – As firefighters extinguished the last smoldering embers of an extensive forest fire, residents and industries were heartbroken about the loss of perfectly good firewood that the…

Hudak blames economists, math, unions, civil servants, the elderly, youth, middle class, the poor, Ontarians for defeat

TORONTO – Outgoing Ontario Progressive Conservative Leader Tim Hudak has faulted the resounding electoral defeat of his party on economists, math, unions, civil servants, the elderly, youth…

Soccer fans warming up car horns for World Cup

TORONTO – Football (or soccer) fans in the nation’s largest city are busy preparing their car horns ahead of the World Cup this year in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, so they can honk them ceasele…

How can Team Canada get into the next World Cup?

Canada has not made the World Cup since 1986. How can Team Canada make the next one? 1. Call it football – not soccer – like everybody else 2. Out-bribe the highest FIFA bidder 3. Wai…

Elections Ontario ramps up its ‘get-out-the-boat’ campaign

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