‘We told you so’ clean up underway in Vancouver’s English Bay
VANCOUVER – In what every Vancouver resident has said was an “utterly predictable eventuality,” one of the tankers that line English Bay has leaked tons of “we totally saw…
Foreign friend keeps calling it ice hockey
EDMONTON – Although he reported being generally happy that his English friend Simon had come for a visit, local man Carl Terrace did wish he would stop referring to our national obsession a…
Greece demands Iran pay 800 billion euros in reparations from Greco-Persian wars
ATHENS – Following a conveniently timed demand that Germany pay further reparations arising from its occupation of Greece during WWII, the Greek government has gone on to demand the governm…
Jurors in Mike Duffy trial each receive mysterious $90,000 cheque
OTTAWA – Before the start of what will be the political trial of the year, the jurors deciding the fate of embattled Senator Mike Duffy have inexplicably all received a cheque for $90,000. …
Man lives in Moose Jaw of his own free will
MOOSE JAW, SK – Sources report that Greg Abbott, 36, recently moved to Moose Jaw as a personal choice, done without any sort of coercion. “I like it here,” said the inventory manager, who m…
Leafs platinum ticket holder throws Armani dinner jacket onto ice
TORONTO – After spending thousands of dollars on season tickets and pre-game sushi only to see the Leafs lose again and again, local man and ACC Platinum Club member Winston Scott joined th…
Report: Final season of Mad Men may contain spoilers
LOS ANGELES – Matthew Weiner, creator of the popular drama Mad Men, has warned fans of his show that they might want to skip its upcoming final season if they want to avoid any potential sp…
Senate announces $2 million national inquiry to investigate cold cases of cheese
OTTAWA – Conservative Senator Nancy Ruth along with dozens of other upper chamber members have announced the Senate’s intention to launch a comprehensive inquiry into the victims of cold ch…
Top 10 Saskatchewan hockey rinks to take a piss in
Now that hockey season is starting to come to an end, and spring has almost sprung, it’s time for The Beaverton’s annual review of the best Saskatchewan hockey rinks we pissed in this…
Stuart McLean takes 45 minutes to vividly describe directions in a small town
WINGHAM, ON – CBC’s Vinyl Cafe host Stuart McLean spent nearly an hour explaining detailed and poetic directions to American tourists on how to get to the local museum in a small Ontario to…
