OTTAWA — In the wake of the announcement to delay the arrival of 25,000 Syrian refugees, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau revealed an audacious proposal today to drastically scale back the Liberal Party’s entire 2015 election platform by the end of the year.
Trudeau’s new plan, titled We’ll Get Around To It, will transform many of the Party’s ambitious electoral commitments into sober, mediocre equivocations, often with a bold and underlined “deadline not guaranteed” disclaimer attached.
At a press conference this afternoon in Ottawa, Trudeau said his government is “hard at work ensuring we meet none of our previously set goals in a timely fashion. I have people working around the clock to not make our deadlines.”
“We can meet this deadline to ignore or amend all of our proposed deadlines,” explained Trudeau. “I’m vowing to ensure that this government underwhelms all Canadians.”
Trudeau stated that he can promise Canadians that the 2015 election will be the third or fourth last election held under the antiquated first-past-the-post system, depending on how the Liberals do in the next couple.
“After talking to so many Canadians, our pledges to cut middle-class taxes, investing in infrastructure and reducing EI premiums sound really hard,” added Trudeau. “So give us a few more years and we will deliver maybe half of that.”
When asked for comment on the policy shake-up, Liberal staffers were found frantically deleting any hard, clear promises from the Liberal Party website and replacing them with pictures of Prime Minister Trudeau smiling, waving, or flexing. “We’ll be here on Christmas day if we have to,” explained one advisor, “We’re determined to fall short.”
