Airlines announce disruptive children to be checked into cargo

TORONTO – Airline passengers easily annoyed by rambunctious children are sighing in relief after numerous Canadian airlines announced they will now require all disruptive children to be che…

Scientists at University of the Lord discover that Jesus is Lord

BARN GLORY, ON – A surprising new study from University of the Lord has revealed that Jesus Christ, and not anybody else, is Lord. “We started from the premise that somebody had to be Lord,…

Journalist wastes bi-monthly question with Stephen Harper by asking if he could ask a question

LAVAL – National newspaper reporter Eric Hitchens wasted his first chance to ask Stephen Harper a question in over two months by first posing whether it would be acceptable to ask a questio…

Harper announces continuation of 4 year election ad campaign

OTTAWA — With Governor General David Johnston by his side at Rideau Hall, Prime Minister Stephen Harper has officially informed the Canadian public that advertisements for the election will…

Cool new website aggregates content directly from people’s homes

NEW YORK – Only six months old and already challenging New Media titans like BuzzFeed and the Huffington Post, the viral media website Stufftaker is overtaking social networks with original…

Midlife crisis averted by motorcycle accident

Although divorced and in his late forties, local man James Baucher has managed to avoid a midlife crisis by becoming involved in a severe motorcycle accident. “He was really hasty and desperate t…

Shy man so close to getting his comment in

Red Deer, Alberta – Notoriously shy Red Deer College student Gavin Desautels came incredibly close to getting an anecdote in about Radiohead during a conversation at a friend’s house party.…

Chinese sweatshop workers already hard at work making snow

BEIJING – Mere hours after being awarded the 2022 Olympic Games Chinese officials say government sweatshop workers are already working 18 hour days to make the snow that will be featured ac…

Whitehorse changes name to ‘Yellowknife’ to avoid confusion

YELLOWKNIFE (Formerly known as WHITEHORSE) – To simplify things for Canadians living in large southern urban centers with no sense of northern geography, the City of Whitehorse will be chan…

New study finds that you fucked with the wrong scientists

OTTAWA – A recent discovery has shown that you fucked with the wrong practitioners of hypothetico-deductive methodology. “As in all science, we started by formulating a question: how badly …