Nation still fighting this goddamn cold
CANADA – Six days after their throats started to get scratchy, the entire country is still trying to get over this fucking cold. “Shit,” said every person in the country, catchi…
Jason Kenney spontaneously combusts after court permits niqab for citizenship ceremony
CALGARY — In what authorities are calling a rare instance of spontaneous human combustion, Multiculturalism Minister Jason Kenney burst into flames upon hearing the Federal Court of Appeal …
Jason Kenney delivers speech with perfect, unaccented bigotry
CALGARY — In an effort to stir up Conservative supporters, Multiculturalism Minister Jason Kenney delivered a patriotic speech with impeccable and unaccented bigotry. “Wow, he must be from …
Canada looks forward to finding out how it was screwed by the TPP
OTTAWA — With Canada now signed on to the Trans Pacific Partnership, Canadians are excited to find out just how much they have been screwed. “I can’t wait to see who got it the most!” said …
Middle-school science teacher has already blown through the cool experiments
TORONTO – Although he is only a month into the school year, local science teacher Carlos Leslie has already run out of the fun, exciting, and even marginally interesting science experiments…
Local couple choose between getting married and burning $30,000 in giant bonfire
TORONTO – Local couple Sarah Schneider and David Richmond recently made the difficult choice between burning their money in the fire pit at a local park or spending thousands of dollars on weddin…
Conservative party concerned they’re being too subtle
OTTAWA – There is disquiet among Conservative Party members, as many within the party are worried that Canadians may not be receiving clear messages about the Conservatives’ stance on race and mu…
Hungover 16 year-old wakes up wearing ‘Re-elect Conservative Rick Dykstra’ button
ST. CATHARINES — After a long night out drinking with her friends, an unidentified high school girl woke up to find a Rick Dykstra button pinned to her side tie halter dress. “What happened…
Unemployed Canadians so happy to see politicians addressing the niqab again
MONTREAL — The nation’s unemployed are pleased to hear that the main topic of political conversation will be about whether a very small minority of women have a religious right to cover the…
CRA to tax ‘exposure’ income by actors
The Canada Revenue Agency has announced a new category of tax remittance for actors, comedians, improvisers, and other types of performers to pay dues on the vast sums of attention and future opp…
