Feds announce all social programs to be paid for by Uncle Roy’s tax dollars - The Beaverton

Feds announce all social programs to be paid for by Uncle Roy’s tax dollars

OTTAWA – In a bold move, has announced that all of the Liberal government’s new social programming will be paid for personally by the tax dollars of Uncle Roy.

“Uncle Roy works harder for his money than anybody else, and that’s why it gives me special pleasure to tax it all away,” Finance Minister Bill Morneau said. “I tell you, somebody needs to get us guys out of office.”

Although the government had previously based its controversial ‘free money for blacks and hippies’ program on Uncle Roy’s sweat and toil, Morneau said that they would be adding pervs, pinkos, and sick freaks to the already enormous tax burden shouldered by that one man.

“Ah, jeez, can you believe this crap,” said Uncle Roy, slapping his copy of the Sun newspaper. “All this deficits, and they’re paying for it out of my paycheque.”

“Yup, we’re paying for it out of his paycheque,” said Morneau, with a smug liberal grin.

While Morneau says part of the reasoning behind taxation is to build and maintain infrastructure and a social safety net, he did confirm that the majority of tax dollars are levied just to spite honest taxpayers, and Uncle Roy in particular.

“Wait until Uncle Roy gets a load of all the money we’ve set aside for the fricking nerds and dweebs,” said Morneau, of the Trudeau government’s renewed commitment to scientific innovation. “A monkey could do a better job than us.”

This is the angriest Uncle Roy has been at the Government since his Employment Insurance cheque came late last month.