OTTAWA – Pixie, a four-year-old army dog, has been awarded the Dickin Medal for bravely serving in military conflict, despite the fact that, as a dog, he has no concept of sacrifice, duty, or self.
“Pixie’s an incredibly intelligent dog,” said Major General Harold Mann, who bestowed the highest military decoration upon the dog, who immediately tried to eat it. “I mean, not as smart as the dumbest human, or even the dumbest monkey, but still.”
Pixie’s award followed an incident in which his strong sense of smell led him to an explosive. Using the most basic, binary form of communication, Pixie barked at the bomb, which alerted nearby troops to its location and allowed the highly skilled bomb squad to painstakingly defuse it. “It’s true that Pixie can’t possibly understand war, nations, having a job, responsibility, or consequence. I mean, when I point at something, he just looks at my finger, instead of what I’m pointing at. But damned if that dog isn’t good at smelling. And then barking at what he smelled. And if that’s not courage, I don’t know what is.”
When asked if the award diminished the bravery of human recipients of other combat awards, Major General Mann admitted that there had been some grumblings by soldiers whose extraordinary physical and mental accomplishments were accompanied by rigorous ethical questioning and existential dilemmas unknown by an animal who will eat his own excrement.
“It’s partially about the nature of humans vs. animals,” said General Mann, shrugging off the criticism. “I mean, think about it: if I tell a dog to do something dangerous and he does it, of course that’s bravery. If I tell a group of soldiers to do something dangerous and they do it, that’s just obedience.”
This is the first time the Dickin Medal has been awarded to an animal since 2013, when it was given to Puffy the orange tabby, to honour her capacity for hope during tough times she couldn’t possibly have been aware of.
