Local man proud of Canadian-made ketchup from tomatoes picked by temporary foreign worker
LEAMINGTON, ON — Local man Kyle Matheson is proud to purchase and use French’s Ketchup knowing that the tomatoes were grown and harvested in Canada by a temporary foreign worker from Jamaic…
Vancouver luxury condo revealed to be cluster of oil soaked rags
VANCOUVER – Purchasers of units within Vancouver’s luxury condo, “The Pacific”, were dismayed to find that the building they were preparing to move into was in fact just a large cluster of oil so…
Manitoba Election 2016: Party Platforms
Manitobans go to the polls on April 19th. Can the NDP hold onto power after 16 years? Or will the PC’s get a chance to form government? Or will the underdog Liberals come from behind in an upset?…
Ted Rogers statue receives better police treatment than actual human women
TORONTO – Following an incident in which police visited a man who jokingly threatened to tear down the Ted Rogers statue, Toronto police have warned citizens that they take online threats o…
‘GOP polls that dismissed Trump were laughable’ says Democrat whose polls dismiss Trump
WASHINGTON, D.C. – While mocking 2015 polls that said Donald Trump couldn’t possibly win the GOP nomination, DNC political operative Colin McCallum maintained that his own internal polls sh…
Nation worried about spying, says CSIS review of private correspondences
OTTAWA – An in-depth survey by the Canadian Security Intelligence Service has found Canadians are deeply troubled by the idea of mass surveillance, according to their personal letters and d…
Local couple buys last affordable piece of non-haunted Toronto real estate
TORONTO – A local couple has purchased Toronto’s last piece of real estate that could reasonably be maintained by an average-income family, that is also free of tormented spirits. “We…
Mississauga woman wins largest ever Lotto 649 jackpot, can finally move to Toronto
MISSISSAUGA — A Mississauga woman has won a $64,000,000 lottery jackpot, finally affording her the financial freedom to actually purchase property in Toronto. The winner couldn’t believe he…
Trudeaus smuggle bag of tangerines back over border
After crossing the Canada Border on their return trip from the state dinner at the White House, sources confirm that Justin and Sophie Trudeau successfully transported a bag of tangerines past Cu…
Canadian Screen Awards occur
TORONTO – Scattered reports coming in from across the country appear to verify that the Canadian Screen Awards happened last night in Toronto, putting to rest modest public speculation. Although …
