TORONTO – Ontario Premier Kathleen Wynne has cautioned Ontarians who live in the drought-stricken regions to refrain from wasting water so that it may be bottled and sold by Nestlé.
The provincial government has grown concerned about how Ontarians are using water to feed themselves.
“Before you water your lawn or rehydrate your heat-exhausted body, let’s keep in mind our surrounding corporate environment,” announced Premier Wynne in a barren apple orchard. “We can all do our part from low-flush toilets and rain barrels, to refraining from sustaining all forms of life.”
The international food and drink conglomerate based in Switzerland said that all Ontarians have a responsibility to preserve their profit margins for future generations.
“Please consider the number of empty 330ml water bottles that could be sold to a Venezuelan street child for $2 before considering the long-term consequences of sustaining your farm,” added Nestlé’s public relations officer Harold Ithaca. “Nestlé cannot survive unless everyone remembers their social responsibility to corporations.”
In related news, the official flower of Ontario, the trillium, has been replaced by a more water-resistant plant, the cactus.
Image from depositphoto.com / richlonardo.
