All I want is to have a real conversation about rape without taking responsibility for my words or actions - The Beaverton

All I want is to have a real conversation about rape without taking responsibility for my words or actions

By: Your Facebook Friend

Hi all. I’ve been thinking about a subject that’s been in the news a lot lately: sexual assault. It might be a little touchy for some people, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be having a frank, open discussion about it in which I will at no point be held accountable for the effects my statements have on other people.

Firstly, I would like to throw out some stats: 4 out of every 10 reports of rape are COMPLETELY fabricated. Now, I know it’s hard to say whether that’s a precise number, or even remotely accurate, or one that I completely invented, so let’s move on.

The point is, I’ve noticed that time after time, when I bring up chilling facts like the one above, something very disturbing happens: people start questioning my right to speak my mind. This happens in comment sections, @replies, and even in person, when I’m talking to strangers in line at Panera.

Now, let’s all agree: this is a free country, no? Good. So why do you think it is that certain people might not want me to propagate statistics like the ones above? Or suggest that women should just maybe consider the guy’s feelings first before they quietly warn each other about “creepy” dudes? Or point out that since only about 1% of sexual assaults lead to convictions, this logically means 99% of sexual assaults didn’t really happen? Why would it be that someone would want to stop me from doing this? (Also, please don’t actually answer any of these questions)

This pressure can be subtle—sometimes, it will be a simple reply comment on my facebook post, like “Hey, I’m pretty sure those numbers are really off—maybe you should have a look at the CDC’s findings here.” Sometimes, it can be, horribly, shockingly overt, like a co-worker refusing to sit at the same lunch table as me simply because she saw me playing devil’s advocate on her post about overcoming childhood sexual abuse.

When you start refusing to be friends with someone, refusing to hire someone, or refusing to speak to someone just because of something they said or did, you put pressure on them to change the way they express themselves, simply to protect your own feelings. The danger is, even the strongest of thinkers, like myself, will crack under the pressure and become less likely to talk about these subjects—and I think we can agree that my talking less is the biggest danger a free society could face.

But as awful as the silencing of dissent is, sometimes the result of this coercive pressure can be even more devastating: it can impair the dissenter’s ability to believe in the very thoughts he was expressing in the first place. I recently heard the term “gaslighting,” and I’m pretty sure this is what it’s referring to.

So let me ask you to do your part: if I say something that trivializes your or a loved one’s suffering or dignity, rather than taking the easy bait of expressing your thoughts and feelings, try taking a harder, but more rewarding, approach: just let me keep talking.